Really Very Extremely Highly Important Not-To-Be-Ignored E-mail

I got an e-mail today with the subject: Highly Useful Tools for Truly Serious Writers.

If an e-mail’s subject line is supposed to catch one’s attention, then this one was successful, but it was successful in the wrong way because I only focused on the subject line and didn’t pay any attention to what the sender was trying to sell me in the body of the e-mail.

Maybe I’m being too much of a nitpicker, but is a Highly Useful Tool that much better a tool than a regular, old-fashioned Useful Tool? As someone who hopes to one day think of himself as a writer, am I making a mistake and wasting my time by looking for Useful Tools for writing when I should be looking for Highly Useful Tools for writing instead?

Maybe I’m jumping the gun here as far as tools are concerned altogether and I should be starting with a Tool and work with that until I’m comfortable and then move to a Useful Tool before I move right into a Highly Useful Tool? Haste makes waste, you know, and I have no desire to waste time or tools.

And the Truly Serious Writers mentioned in the e-mail subject line, who are they? Are they better writers than Serious Writers, or the common everyday Writer? From time to time I put words down on paper, or virtual paper, but I have some difficulty really thinking of myself as a Writer. And now, because this e-mail was sent to me, I’m supposed to think of myself as not just a Writer, or a Serious Writer, but a Truly Serious Writer. I don’t think I’m there yet.

This whole e-mail subject line has left me feeling confused and looking for my correct writing label and corresponding tool and that’s not a good place to be. I’m confused and at a loss as to where I really belong.

Who am I? What’s my label? Where’s my niche?

Color me perplexed.

What color is perplexed? I’m guessing it would be a shade of purple because of the first syllable, but what else? A Truly Serious Writer, one who employed Highly Useful Tools, would know.