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The Lonely Elf (Terrible Poetry)

November 15, 2019

I snoozed and I losed. Such is the fate of snoozers. The deadline for this week’s Terrible Poetry Contest over where Chelsea hangs out was a couple of hours ago but I’ll leave mine here because while one might be too late to enter the contest, it is never too late to share terrible poetry.

The Lonely Elf

There was an elf
who lived by himself
he whittled wood toys that he set on a shelf.

One night he thought:
“These toys can’t be bought
so I’ll give them to those who have naught.”

So one cloudy day
he gave them away
went back home and read E. Hemingway

While still all alone
his gloom it had flown
so he moved out to Sierra Leone.

There he lived on an isthmus
and he waited for Christmas
so he could help Santa with the gift-giving business.

 

Tomorrow is November

October 31, 2019
tags:

November begins tomorrow and I’m curious to know if I have any WordPress friends who are going to take part in NaNoWriMo and write a book. Raise your hand if you are. I’ve never done that challenge because I’ve always been skeptical of writing a book in 30 days but that might just be a defense mechanism I use to justify a belief that I can’t write a book in any amount of time.

WordPress doesn’t make it easy to look back at old posts but a long time ago (2011?) I took part in NaBloPoMo where the goal was to write a blog post every day for a month. That was fun but that challenge hasn’t been around for a long time.

A couple of years ago I joined in on FlashNano. FlashNano is a month-long challenge hosted by Nancy Stohlman who is a writer and a teacher and a singer and a really great prompt writer. It’s really pretty simple: Nancy gives a prompt a day and you do the rest and then 30 days later you sit back and revel in your supreme success and eat pizza and chocolate chip cookies.

That challenge was a lot of fun and I actually wound up not posting most of what I wrote because I liked it too much and wanted to save it to work on later with the goal of trying to maybe get something published. I was moderately successful on the first part and not so very much on the second part which was OK because the pizza and chocolate chip cookies were good.

If you want to try FlashNano this year click here to sign up to receive the prompts.

On the Trail (Terrible Poetry Contest)

October 24, 2019

This is week 48 of Chelsea’s Terrible Poetry Contest. Saddle up and play along by clicking HERE.

On The Trail

When ‘yer on the trail a-pushin’ cattle,
makin’ ‘yer way up to Seattle.

When saddle sores a-pop and ‘yer eyes start to droop,
and yer butt’s so sore it hurts to poop.

When yer bored watchin’ dust a-startin’ to twirl,
then y’all write a poem to yer old cowgirl.

Like I done did.
And I’ll demonstrate –
So you may equate –
And mebbe get yerself an idea that’ll pollenate –
One in which yer brain can lubricate –
And you can fay-ber-i-cate.
(Cuz you have my permission to do so)

Oh Maybelline, my horse needs a shoe.
Oh Maybelline, I smell like mildew.
I just a-wanted to tell ‘ya your love is overdue.

Oh Maybelline, I got a fever fer you.
Oh Maybelline, I smell like a gym shoe
I just a-wanted to tell ‘ya that first I’ll need a good shampoo.

Signed,
with aller my love,
Your luvin’ Cowboy guy,
Earl E. Earle

XXX (Them X’s, they’s kisses fer you, Maybelline)

 

What, me worry?

October 16, 2019

(Thank you to Harvey Kurtzman and Al Feldstein for the above title. If you recognize either of those names, or their Mad Magazine then you, like me, are old!)

I collect poetry. When I find a poem I like I add it to my collection. I go to that file from time to time and read those poems and along with the joy of reading poems I like, reading them reminds me of why I like poetry and why poets are interesting people. Sometimes I think I might write a poem that might make me think I’m an interesting person.

Here’s a poem I just found and that I added to my collection.

I Worried
by Mary Oliver

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

###

 

Untitled Nursery Rhyme (Terrible Poetry Contest)

October 14, 2019

Week 47 of Chelsea’s Terrible Poetry Contest is here. This week she revisits nursery rhymes but “the rule is that you must take an existing nursery rhyme as your base.” Please visit and play along and embrace the terribleness that lurks within you.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Hickory dickory dock,
I got a hole in my sock.
I let it go and stubbed my toe
and fell on my old banjo.

Then Mary’s lamb came prancing by and took a look at me.
“Help!” I said but the lamb just turned and nibbled on my
forgotten peanut butter and onion panini.

I couldn’t believe it, the lamb wouldn’t help, that lousy, fleecy
snob.
So I crawled over slowly and with my hands turned that lamb into a
kebab.

Then Mary came a-running in, “Oh I loved that lamb a lot.”
She cried and cried and with the back of her hand wiped away a gob of snot.

That made me sick, that gooey drool, wet boogers on the back of her wrist
and I wondered for a minute if she ever gave her boyfriend a sloppy wet bugger-y kiss.

She probably did. That poor old fella, I hope he carries a hanky,
and not just any hanky but one as big as my light blue naptime blanky.

That’s my story and now I’m tired and I’ve still got a hole in my sock
and guess what?
I just saw a cloud
drift past wearing
a raincoat and I said
to the cloud,

“Hey what are you wearing under your raincoat and the cloud said,
“Thunderwear”.

And I said,
“You’re lighter than air”.

And the cloud said, “You’re a poet.”

And I said, “But a terrible one.”

And the cloud said, “Well I didn’t want to say anything, but–”

And we both smiled.

And the cloud floated away
with a promise to
come on back another day

and Mary started washing her face, washing her face, washing
her face on this cold and frosty morning. And then she started
to dance around a Mulberry bush and I called her Mulberry Mary.

 

Say What?

September 24, 2019

This guy I know (henceforth: “TGIK”) was in a car accident last Thursday evening. Both vehicles involved in the accident were destroyed and two passengers in the other car were moved by stretchers and taken away by ambulance. The two passengers who were taken away were young and TGIK thought they may have been the teenage children of the driver of the other vehicle.

TGIK was talking to the driver of the other vehicle after the accident and when he asked to exchange insurance information, the other driver told him that it’s his father’s car and his father has the insurance information. They exchanged phone numbers and TGIK told the other driver to call him with the insurance information. TGIK didn’t receive a phone call on Friday so he called the other driver on Saturday and when TGIK didn’t get a return call he left him another phone message on Sunday.

On Monday TGIK is upset and I don’t blame him, who wouldn’t be in this situation. I offered that at least the police, as well as his insurance company, have the other driver’s information, but TGIK wasn’t having any of it and what TGIK said to me made me feel sort of sick. After I mentioned the police and the insurance company TGIK repeated that the other driver never called him back and then TGIK said, “He probably doesn’t even have insurance and he was just lying to me and that’s why he didn’t call me back and now I don’t care if his kids are paralyzed or not.”

Say what?

Those last 10 words, who thinks that kind of thought?

And who tells an monstrous thought like that to someone else?

There are people in this world like TGIK and there are people in this world who believe in lovingkindness. Lovingkindness in both thought and deed and not dependent on anything. That’s a nice way to think and to act and I hope there are more people out there in this world who believe that than there are people like TGIK who can’t bring themselves to care if young adults, teenagers, are paralyzed because of something that’s really nothing more than a selfish inconvenience.

If only for a minute, please be kind to yourself and someone else.

Heart of Intention

September 16, 2019

Sharon Salzberg (mini-bio below) is offering a free seven-day meditation challenge that starts today and I thought I’d pass the information along in case anyone who sees this might be interested in signing up.

To find out more about the challenge and to register you can click HERE. If that doesn’t work then here’s the link: https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/heart-of-intention-registration/

From the website:

Through daily teaching videos, guided meditations, reflections and readings, Sharon brings 40+ years of teaching experience to your inbox, with daily email lessons available to access on computer, tablet or smartphone devices. Sharon offers a robust and accessible program for a week-long dive into an often overlooked arena of life: the inner heart space that drives our actions. 

It’s not interactive so I won’t ‘see’ you there but you’re welcome to reach out to me and talk about what you think of the program and what you’re learning. That would be cool.

It’s amazing to me that this is being offered for free.

Sharon’s Wikipedia page is HERE.

 

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