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An Untitled (for reasons unknown) Limerick (A Mused Poetry Contest)

October 13, 2020

This week’s A Mused Poetry Contest says, “What could possibly be funnier than accident by hubris? The inevitable fall because of overconfident pride? The trip of the boastful athlete? The …well, you get it.”

And then goes on to suggest, “A limerick might be perfect.” Always one to follow instructions, here is my limerick which, for reasons unknown, has no title.

Are you interested in reading other poems, or maybe offering one of your own? Then you can hook up right here.

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An Untitled (for reasons unknown) Limerick

This handsome young man was in love,
well not totally, but kinda sort of.
He kneeled down to propose,
something tickled his nose,
and he blew boogers on her from below and above.

Not to boast or anything, but if I do sound a little boastful then all I can say is that like Thoreau before me, “if I seem to boast more than is becoming, my excuse is that I brag for humanity rather than for myself…“, so I do it for all of you, the dear, sweet, tremendously appreciated readers of this humble blog and not for any shameful feeling of superbia. But this gold medal here? That big, beautiful gold medal? The one that says right there at the top in big bold letters: “FUNNIEST OF THEM ALL!“? Yeah, that’s mine because I was the winner of last week’s contest!

What’s that? I’m very sensitive to this sort of thing and did someone just have a thought that they’d like to read last weeks winning entry? The one that brought home that gold medal up there? You can do that by clicking right here.

Unaltered By Time (A Mused Poetry Contest)

October 6, 2020

This weeks A Mused Poetry Contest theme is the wittiest message inside your next anniversary card. Click right here to read and, if you want, join in.

Unaltered By Time

148,920 hours since we said, “I do”,
and honey, baby, I still love you.

You always fight fair, you sometimes let me win.
And who really cares if you’re no longer thin?

You’re the mother of my children and one day you’ll agree,
that it’s probably a good thing that the kids look like me.

You’re the one and only entry in my little black book,
and it’s never been a problem that you really can’t cook.

Your eyes are as bright as that very first day,
and it doesn’t bother me that your hair is all gray.

All these years later, and I happy I met ‘ya?
Every minute, every day, oh sweetheart, you betcha.

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Ouch! (A Mused Poetry Contest)

September 29, 2020

The theme for this week’s A Mused Poetry Contest is Commercials. Click here to join in the fun or read the A Musing poetry.

Ouch!

Sticks and stones won’t break your bones?
Ever been hit in the head with a rock or a club?

If you have, stop on into the Slowpoke Skull Center.

At the door we’ll meet’cha
And then we’ll treat’cha
And we’ll all be wearing masks.

And for safety we all wear gloves!
well, kinda sort of,
we’re still waiting for a delivery from our vendor.

And if you do like being hit in the head with a rock then we have doctors at the Slowpoke Psychiatric Center standing by. Just enter the door on the left.

If you’re dizzy and your visions blurry –
Don’t worry.
Just wave and we’ll come and get ‘ya in a hurry.

So, my dear head hurtin’ friend;
stop tiptoeing through the minefield of concussions,
come on in and we’ll have a discussion.
We’ll get rid of that pounding percussion
and that pain you can just start aflushin’.

Evening and weekend appointments available.

Candy is dandy . . . or is it?

September 25, 2020

So I heard on the news this morning that some guy ate so much licorice he died. That’s crazy.

Not that I don’t feel bad for the guy and his family, but I guess the thing that bothered me the most about the story was the reporter saying, “…doctors said the man switched from red licorice to black.” There is no such thing as red licorice. What people think is red licorice is just red candy and it contains no licorice. File that under ‘Pet peeve’.

There was a time when Grand Funk Railroad was one of the best, most popular, rock bands in the world. In the video below they sing of some of the different dangers associated with black licorice.

Seasonal Change (A Mused Poetry Contest)

September 24, 2020

This week Chelsea tells that the theme for the A Mused Poetry Contest is a funny haiku. Then she added a bunch of technical stuff that reminded me of being back in school which made me think about lunch which brought me to Hostess Cupcakes and I sort of zoned out at that point.

(I don’t know why I thought about Hostess Cupcakes because I never really liked them, but whenever I did eat them I liked peeling the chocolate icing off of both of them and then breaking the cupcakes in half to get at that creamy stuff in the middle. Then I’d eat the remaining cake parts. Then I’d go back to the two pieces of chocolate icing and break those in half along the white curly frosting they put down the middle, put all four pieces together and eat those.)

I’m not sure if Hostess Cupcakes qualify as food but that’s beside the point.

Seasonal Change

More accurately, this should be Seasonal Changes because I did two. I don’t know if that’s legal or not (that’s what you get for zoning out and not reading the rules, buster!), but I guess that’s what I get for zoning out and not reading the rules.

#1
Picked up a red leaf.
pulled a muscle in my back;
Thanks a lot, Autumn.

#2
Autumn is here now.
Lovely time; I’d write more, but
sadly I’m out of . . .

I’m guessing none of you reading this have ever heard of Edgar Winter. I liked him a lot when I was younger and 48 years later I still listen to his They Only Come Out At Night album. The song below, Autumn is from that album and it’s a song that’s never going to vie for space on my music playlist. It’s alright for a sappy ballad, but a person is better off if they simply skip over it and listen to the other nine songs because all of those are very good. Aside from being sappy, the first line of Autumn always made me laugh:

“Autumn, the wind blows colder than summer.”

Really? It’s no wonder they buried this song in the middle of side two.

Fair Warning (A Mused Poetry Contest)

September 18, 2020

 

This is week two of Chelsea’s ‘A Mused Poetry Contest‘ and the prompt is a snappy poem about warning labels.

Fair Warning

I took my radio into the bath with me
and the warning label was right.
I got a shock, a jarring jolt,
my lord it was such a fright.

I drained the tub and dried myself
my nerves were in quite a state.
I vowed right then to always heed the warnings labels words,
“You’re right, oh labels. I do oblige, I’ll do as you dictate.”

“I’ll hold the saw by the correct end,
I’ll believe that matches may cause fire.
I promise not to drive with the sun shield in place.
and I’ll believe that if I drink Clorox bleach I may, in fact, expire.”

With that all said I took a breath to try and calm my nerves.
But my heart kept racing – thump, thump, thump – it just would not agree.
I had to take a tranquilizer, not one as prescribed, but three.
The label was right ‘cuz the next thing I knew I… Zzzzzzzz…

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The NEW Weekly A Mused Poetry Contest

September 11, 2020

Gray clouds have parted, the sun is shining and fortune is smiling on us all because Chelsea is back with a new weekly poetry contest!

That’s right, you heard correctly! I know, it’s a little overwhelming and I’m feeling it, too, so let’s take a moment . . .

<moment being taken>

It’s the weekly ‘A Mused’ Poetry Contest!

From Chelsea herself:
Welcome to the our new poetry contest! Hilarity is our goal; funniness, laughable lines, hilarious rhymes -amusement!

Where once I told everyone to write terrible poetry, I now tell you to write terrible poetry with the intent to make us all laugh:

The Topic is eccentrics.

The Length will be a limerick.

Please go here to play along.

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Here’s my attempt at hilarity, funniness, and laughably hilarious amusement.

Henry wanted his in-laws to leave
So he sneezed really loud in his sleeve
The in-laws, abhorred,
to the door they rushed toward.
And a sigh of joy Henry did heave.

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(And for what it’s worth – this new WordPress editor whatever thingee? I don’t like it very much at all.)

Out for a walk this morning

September 6, 2020
 
I was out for a walk early this morning. I like walking before the sunrise brings my mind back to the realities of the day and the other walkers and runners and bikers go outside and clutter things up. My head lamp was lighting the path in front of me and a couple of knuckle lights were bouncing around in a rhythm I always enjoy. As usual, I was listening to a Grateful Dead show and this morning was one from 1994. I’m not a big fan of late-era Grateful Dead because it’s too easy to focus on Jerry’s painful decline at this point in his life, but this show was standing out as a gem. And then to make that gem shine brighter came this unspeakably chilling version of ‘So Many Roads’ and I felt like I could have walked forever.
 
“So many roads to ease my soul.”
 
 
 

					

Frustrated & Mad

August 24, 2020

I was out for a nice walk on Saturday morning when I turned up a neighborhood side street and saw this sign and decided to stop in.

Garage Sale

As it turned out, the garage really wasn’t for sale after all.

Color me mad. Bait and switch, anyone?

I had this same problem last October when I tried buying a yard.

And not that you’re particularly interested, but in late July 2019 the homeowner not-so-politely asked me to leave his property when I complained to him that holding a rummage sale where everything  was set out neatly on tables and chairs was dishonest because there was nothing for a person to rummage through. That made me angry, being kicked out of the beautifully organized “rummage” sale like that, but not as angry as I was a month later from the response I got from the person running a thrift sale when I told her that there was nothing particularly thrifty about her prices for what was little more than a driveway full of junk.

I’m going to stop going to these types of “sales” because this whole situation with outdoor household bazaars is just too bizarre for me.

And just between you and I, at this point, since I’m still angry about Saturday’s disappointment, I’m seriously thinking of talking to someone about false advertising and trying to find out what my legal rights in these situations might be. I’m guessing there’s an association or guild overseeing the Used Goods of Household sellers (UGH) that I can contact about this. Certainly there must be someone who can put the kibosh on these secondhand-good selling fraudsters and their scams.

In the meantime, I’d be curious to know if anyone out there in the blogreadingverse has ever had any luck buying a garage or a yard at one of these so-called “sales”.

 

 

 

 

The Writing Group (First Flight)

August 18, 2020

From Charli Mills at the Carrot Ranch is this week’s challenge.

August 13, 2020, prompt: In 99 words (no more, no less), write a story about a first flight. It can be anything or anyone that flies. What is significant about the first? Go where the prompt leads!

First Flight

I can’t say he took it all in, but today was a beautiful day for a first flight. The sun shined down from a bold blue sky and lit the runway.

“Ground control to Captain Griffin.”

“Griffin here.”

“We’re a ‘go’, Captain.”

And just like that things started to speed up.

“You got it?” I huffed as I started to run faster.

“I think so.” His voice was a little shaky, but not from fear.

“I’m letting go now, Griff. Hold the handles and keep pedaling.”

“I— I got it, dad!”

And just like that my son was flying.

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