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Close your eyes and listen –

August 29, 2019

Whether being in a Bill Evans mood is a good thing or a bad thing or a happy thing or a sad thing is up to you to decide. The fact that we had Bill Evans is something to be grateful for. This is a long song, but it’s a beautiful meditation. Just close your eyes and let it take you wherever it takes you. Odds are that it’ll be somewhere you need to go.

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I hear it’s a great state fair

August 22, 2019

If I had a dollar for every time someone in this great state of Minnesota said, “You goin’ to the fair this year?” or “You makin’ it out to the fair this year?” between August 15th and August 30th I’d have a lot of money on August 31st.

7:40 this morning – –

Guy: “You makin’ it out to the fair this year?”

Me: “No. (don’t say it.) How about you?” (mistake.)

Guy: “I go to the fair once every 10 years and that visit reminds me why I only go once every 10 years!”

Me: <courtesy chuckle> (mistake, I told ‘ya; when can I walk away without looking like a jerk?)

Guy: “Yeah, the fair is blah, blah, blah, blah…

Me: “Hmm.” (I don’t care about any of this.)

Guy: The last time I was at the fair blah, blah, blah, blah…”

Me: (don’t smile and nod; do not smile and nod; don’t encourage him to keep talking) <smile and nod> (damn!) “Yeah.” (i’m stuck here; maybe my phone will ring; please let my phone ring; let someone else walk by; someone test the fire alarm system.)

Guy: “This one time at the fair blah, blah, blah, blah…”

Me: (help)

You Dirty… (Terrible Poetry Contest)

June 26, 2019

The topic for Chelsea’s Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest is small rodents’ opinions on political policies.

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(This started out as a terrible poem and turned into (terrible) prose and I think somewhere along the line it morphed into more of a (terrible) little story than anything else)

You Dirty…

Mrs. Rat said to Mr. Rat: “Why aren’t you watching TV?”

Mr. Rat threw down his hunk of cheese and said: “Because I’m a rat and you’re a rat and everyone on TV is a rat.”

“But…?”

“But we’re good rats and they’re BAD and MEAN and ARROGANT and SELFISH rats. They’re NOGOODNIK rats!”

“You mean?” asked Mrs. Rat.

“Yes. Politicians. All of ’em. He’s a rat…” Mr. Rat said.

“She’s a rat…” Mrs. Rat answered.

“HERE A RAT…” Mr. Rat yelled.

“THERE A RAT…” Mrs. Rat yelled.

And in unison they said: “Everywhere a RAT, RAT” and ended with a two part harmony of, “And there’s no raaat in Democraaat and keep on eye, yes an eye, on the Mobocraaats.

Mr. and Mrs. Rat laughed and Mrs. Rat bent over and picked up her husband’s discarded piece of cheese and started to hand it back to her mollified husband but started nibbling it instead, dreamily thinking of a nice dollop of peanut butter on top of that chunk of cheddar. “Well,” she said. “Now I know why you turned off the TV.” She swallowed the cheese and said, “Hey, I feel better after our little duet.”

“I do, too.” Mr. Rat said as he eyed the piece of cheese clutched in her delicate and attractive hands. Suddenly he lost sight of the cheese as he focused on her long and well-groomed nails.

“What do you want to do now?” Mrs. Rat asked provocatively.

Still eyeing Mrs. Rat’s finely-boned hands and sensing her receptivity, Mr. Rat felt his vibrissae quiver and stiffen. He didn’t know if he could afford another dozen babies, especially after last month’s litter, but he didn’t really know if he cared. He’d think about that tomorrow. After all, he thought, tomorrow is another day. “Uh, I don’t know,” Mr. Rat answered. “How about you?”

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Random Thoughts #35: What Do You Do?

June 20, 2019

I was thinking. You’re walking through a beautiful Minneapolis skyway admiring the floor covering when you hear a noise. You look up to see a horde of Berserkers and they’re moving toward you fast. You turn to run the other way only to find a swarm of Nazi zombies charging toward you from that direction. These are the new zombies that move fast, not the old-fashioned slow ones. The only thing you have to defend yourself is a one-handed ball-and-chain flail. What do you do: face the Berserkers or face the Nazi zombies or smash the skyway glass and leap the 30 – 40 feet to the pavement below and hope that you survive the fall well enough to hobble away?

So You Say

June 10, 2019

It’s Chelsea’s Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest #29. If you happen to be reading this then you might have a fun time writing your own terrible poem and you can do that by clicking right here. I hope you give it a try because it’s fun to be terrible!

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So You Say

If I were from the southern part of the US I’d say something like, “Jiminy Christmas” instead of swearing. When I listened to a braggart I might think “he’s all hat and no cattle” and if someone got mad at me I’d smile and tell them that they can “just get happy in the same britches they got mad in”.

But I’m not from the southern part of the US.
Goodness gracious,
Although I am sometimes loquacious

I’m from the northern part of the US where I say stuff like, “You betcha” and where snow is called “snoooow” and where we all say “Yah” a lot and follow it up with “sure”, and where, when we talk to strangers, we begin every sentence with, “Oh”.

Like –

“Oh, how ’bout those Twins?”
or
“Oh, Olivia Johnson sure does make a good casserole.”
or
“Oh, didja see. . .”

Or “So”.

Like –

“So the Twins lost yesterday, eh?”
or
“So, didja hear Jim Larson got food poisoning from Olivia Johnson’s casserole?”
or
“So what’d’ya think of. . .”

And you didn’t hear this from me, but a lot of us pronounce “third” like “turd”.

So, yah, I’m from the northern part of the US.
You betcha,
And those little red dots you sometimes get on your skin? They’re petechia.

If I were from Mars I might talk and I might not talk because no one knows how Martians sound or if they even talk at all for that matter.

Songs for Monday (05-27-19)

May 27, 2019

This is week 15 of Laura’s Weekly Song Challenge. Check it out here.

1. Post a video of a song that makes you think of the true meaning of Memorial Day.

I broke the rules a little on this one because here’s two. One that might make you sad and one that might make you mad.

 

OK, so I broke the rules once I may as well do it twice, right?

 

 

2. Post a video of a song that has the word war in title or lyrics.

 

 

3. Post a video of a song that is part of a movie soundtrack that had something to do with war.

 

Casey Jones

May 21, 2019

This is for week 26 of Chelsea’s Terrible Poetry Contest.

Topic: Engineering fails

Casey Jones, you big dummy.
You drove the train too fast and you crashed.
And then you died.

(Note to reader: insert head shake here)

What’s that?
This poem’s apposed to be about engineering fails
and not engineer fails?

Well color me stupid.

I can’t carry a tune in a bucket
and I guess I can’t read directions so just…

…don’t buck it.

 

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