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Untitled Nursery Rhyme (Terrible Poetry Contest)

October 14, 2019

Week 47 of Chelsea’s Terrible Poetry Contest is here. This week she revisits nursery rhymes but “the rule is that you must take an existing nursery rhyme as your base.” Please visit and play along and embrace the terribleness that lurks within you.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Hickory dickory dock,
I got a hole in my sock.
I let it go and stubbed my toe
and fell on my old banjo.

Then Mary’s lamb came prancing by and took a look at me.
“Help!” I said but the lamb just turned and nibbled on my
forgotten peanut butter and onion panini.

I couldn’t believe it, the lamb wouldn’t help, that lousy, fleecy
snob.
So I crawled over slowly and with my hands turned that lamb into a
kebab.

Then Mary came a-running in, “Oh I loved that lamb a lot.”
She cried and cried and with the back of her hand wiped away a gob of snot.

That made me sick, that gooey drool, wet boogers on the back of her wrist
and I wondered for a minute if she ever gave her boyfriend a sloppy wet bugger-y kiss.

She probably did. That poor old fella, I hope he carries a hanky,
and not just any hanky but one as big as my light blue naptime blanky.

That’s my story and now I’m tired and I’ve still got a hole in my sock
and guess what?
I just saw a cloud
drift past wearing
a raincoat and I said
to the cloud,

“Hey what are you wearing under your raincoat and the cloud said,
“Thunderwear”.

And I said,
“You’re lighter than air”.

And the cloud said, “You’re a poet.”

And I said, “But a terrible one.”

And the cloud said, “Well I didn’t want to say anything, but–”

And we both smiled.

And the cloud floated away
with a promise to
come on back another day

and Mary started washing her face, washing her face, washing
her face on this cold and frosty morning. And then she started
to dance around a Mulberry bush and I called her Mulberry Mary.

 

Say What?

September 24, 2019

This guy I know (henceforth: “TGIK”) was in a car accident last Thursday evening. Both vehicles involved in the accident were destroyed and two passengers in the other car were moved by stretchers and taken away by ambulance. The two passengers who were taken away were young and TGIK thought they may have been the teenage children of the driver of the other vehicle.

TGIK was talking to the driver of the other vehicle after the accident and when he asked to exchange insurance information, the other driver told him that it’s his father’s car and his father has the insurance information. They exchanged phone numbers and TGIK told the other driver to call him with the insurance information. TGIK didn’t receive a phone call on Friday so he called the other driver on Saturday and when TGIK didn’t get a return call he left him another phone message on Sunday.

On Monday TGIK is upset and I don’t blame him, who wouldn’t be in this situation. I offered that at least the police, as well as his insurance company, have the other driver’s information, but TGIK wasn’t having any of it and what TGIK said to me made me feel sort of sick. After I mentioned the police and the insurance company TGIK repeated that the other driver never called him back and then TGIK said, “He probably doesn’t even have insurance and he was just lying to me and that’s why he didn’t call me back and now I don’t care if his kids are paralyzed or not.”

Say what?

Those last 10 words, who thinks that kind of thought?

And who tells an monstrous thought like that to someone else?

There are people in this world like TGIK and there are people in this world who believe in lovingkindness. Lovingkindness in both thought and deed and not dependent on anything. That’s a nice way to think and to act and I hope there are more people out there in this world who believe that than there are people like TGIK who can’t bring themselves to care if young adults, teenagers, are paralyzed because of something that’s really nothing more than a selfish inconvenience.

If only for a minute, please be kind to yourself and someone else.

Heart of Intention

September 16, 2019

Sharon Salzberg (mini-bio below) is offering a free seven-day meditation challenge that starts today and I thought I’d pass the information along in case anyone who sees this might be interested in signing up.

To find out more about the challenge and to register you can click HERE. If that doesn’t work then here’s the link: https://www.sharonsalzberg.com/heart-of-intention-registration/

From the website:

Through daily teaching videos, guided meditations, reflections and readings, Sharon brings 40+ years of teaching experience to your inbox, with daily email lessons available to access on computer, tablet or smartphone devices. Sharon offers a robust and accessible program for a week-long dive into an often overlooked arena of life: the inner heart space that drives our actions. 

It’s not interactive so I won’t ‘see’ you there but you’re welcome to reach out to me and talk about what you think of the program and what you’re learning. That would be cool.

It’s amazing to me that this is being offered for free.

Sharon’s Wikipedia page is HERE.

 

Thinking Twins

September 10, 2019

With 88 wins the Twins boast the fifth best record in Major League Baseball. This is great: interest in baseball is reviving, Twins Territory is thriving and the team is driving toward a pennant which would mark their first appearance in a Division playoff series in nine years. However, a statistic that’s a little scary is that it seems the Twins’ success is only equal to their opponent’s lack of success. That’s a little scary because the Twins are the only team among those top five with a losing record against opponents that have records at, or over, .500. OK, so you’ve looked at the standings and the stats and you found another first-place team that can’t beat lesser teams so you say, “Hey, pal, St. Louis is in first place and, like your hotshot Twins, they also can’t beat good teams.” Yeah, but the point is that I’m talking about the top five teams in baseball and not the top nine. And also, seriously, no one likes the Cardinals unless you happen to live in St. Louis and even then it’s iffy.

The New York Yankees and Los Angeles Dodgers record against good teams is an amazing .583. The Houston Astros record against good teams is .576 and Atlanta beats up the bums 57.3% of the time. The Twins, our lovable hometown heroes, play like Godzilla against the bad teams, crushing them a jaw-dropping 74% of the time, but when they’re across the field from a good team they play like… well, they play like the Twins of pretty much the last 10 years, managing to squeak out an embarrassing .460 winning record.

(If we want to break it down even more and look at our record against left handed pitchers then it just gets uglier so we don’t want to do that because we want to enjoy what’s happening and not think about too much of the bad stuff).

In the meantime, we’re not going to be playing many teams in the postseason with records below .500 so while I wouldn’t tell anyone not to believe that there’s magic in baseball – because we all know that there is – it might be a good idea to keep some padding handy should that Playoff Wagon come to a sudden and screeching halt.

To make things even worse, the team announced today that star center fielder, Byron Buxton, will be having shoulder surgery and will be out from five to six months. Buxton is a big reason we’re where we are today and hiss loss creates a huge defensive hole that will very difficult to fill.

Like I said though, there’s magic in baseball, so we’ll what we shall see.

 

One quote

September 10, 2019

In his book “One Dharma: The Emerging Western Buddhism” Joseph Goldstein quotes Nyoshul Khen Rinpoche and I liked the quote so much I’m passing it along.

“I would like to pass on one little bit of advice I give to everyone. Relax. Just relax. Be nice to each other. As you go through your life, simply be kind to people. Try to help them rather than hurt them. Try to get along with them rather than fall out with them. With that, I will leave you, and with all my very best wishes.”

Pretty simple advice but apparently very difficult to follow.

I can’t tell you if the book is any good because I just started it.

I was thinking . . .

August 30, 2019

I was thinking that I haven’t blogged in a long time. And then I was thinking that I haven’t had pizza in a long time. Those two thoughts are right now, as I write this, battling it out in my prefrontal cortex, or wherever things like thoughts battle stuff out in a person’s brain. My brain is actually pretty full of thoughts and other thoughts are, I’m sorry to say, are a little pissed off that they’re not getting any space at this particular point in time, but they’ll live.

Let’s listen in. You wanna?

Hey, why haven’t you blogged?
Hmm… mushroom?
You like blogging, no?
You don’t like cheese, yes?
Blogging is fun.
Pizza tastes good.
Writing is fun.
It’s not like you eat pizza every day.
Or sometimes fun.
Or every week.
Most of the time fun.
Or every month.
So go ahead.
So go ahead.
Live a little.
Live a little.
Have fun.
Have a pizza.
Lots of things to write about.
Green olives with those mushrooms?
You’ll think of them.
Peppers too.
And really, who needs an idea to write, right?
Red peppers. Diced.
Because ideas eventually show up.
Oh, almost forgot: don’t forget broccoli!
Hey?
Yeah?
Who’s that?
Who’s who?
The guy listening.
Oh, don’t pay any attention to him.
Yeah?
Onions, too.

Hi, it’s me again. And on and on and on it goes. Those thoughts.

So it goes.” Kurt Vonnegut.

Kurt Vonnegut’s birthday is coming up and I know that because his birthday is right after my birthday.

Interesting?

Not really.

Charles Bukowski just (would have) had a birthday. I know that because I like Charles Bukowski.

Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, I’m not going to make it, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” That’s from a poem Bukowski wrote about all of us; each one of us, me and you and the last person you saw and the next person you see and everyone you know and love and know and hate and you can read it HERE.

I’m guessing that both of those guys liked pizza but I wouldn’t bet on it. Well, I might bet on it if I had a definition of the word “like” as it applies to their appreciation of or disregard of pizza. I wouldn’t bet a lot though, just a little.

It’s not important.

Some people don’t like broccoli on pizza or on anything. That’s not me. I like it a lot.

Close your eyes and listen –

August 29, 2019

Whether being in a Bill Evans mood is a good thing or a bad thing or a happy thing or a sad thing is up to you to decide. The fact that we had Bill Evans is something to be grateful for. This is a long song, but it’s a beautiful meditation. Just close your eyes and let it take you wherever it takes you. Odds are that it’ll be somewhere you need to go.

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