Ooh, Baby (Terrible Poetry: the 1 year anniversary edition! )

This week marks the first anniversary of Chelsea’s Terrible Poetry Contest. If that’s not reason enough to make you want to jump in and write some terrible poetry of your own then I don’t know what is. The theme for this week is “Birth” and to make the challenge more challenging we were asked to write terrible limericks. So if you want to play, play, of if you just want to read, go HERE. If you want to eat pizza, enjoy.

Happy Terrible Poetry Anniversary, Chelsea!

Because sometimes my off button gets stuck I did a few extras. I did that because, like I said, sometimes my off button gets stuck and I also wanted to fill up this virtual sheet of paper. Paper being, you know, the traditional first anniversary gift.

1.
Their bodies they did so adorn
and maybe they watched them some porn
the months they rolled by
nine of them to quantify
and then a little baby was born.

2.
I knew this gal from Fort Worth
she ate pancakes drowned in Mrs. Butterworth
She made me an offer
her body she did proffer
with an end result of her giving birth

3.
The man and the woman were naked
the man said, “If I’m not mistaken,
I find you attractive
so how’s about we get active
and make ourselves one beautiful kid?”

4.
“Wanna roll?” she said, and I said “Maybe”.
“Is it safe,” I said, “You won’t give me rabies?”
She said, “It’s OK, we can skip the foreplay
I’m just looking to have me a baby.”

5.
He’s generally a really nice gent
She’s honest and won’t misrepresent.
One fine day they wed
then rushed home and into bed
now they’re counting the days ‘till their blessed event.