Unjingled Bells

A Christmas song parody. You probably know the melody.

Driving fast, driving hard, the cop is on my tail.
Gotta shake ‘em loose cuz I don’t wanna go to jail.

Oh!

Driving fast, driving hard, I’m pushing 90 now.
I wonder if I dare to pass that really slow snowplow?

I follow UPS,
and take the gifts he leaves.
I’m just another one
of those nasty Christmas thieves.

But this time I was seen,
by the cop just driving past,
and I’m not sure I’ll lose him
cuz I’m running out of gas.

Oh!

Driving fast, driving hard the cop’s still on my tail.
I don’t want to have to spend this Christmas Day in jail.

But-

I got caught, I got caught, I’m in Graybar Hotel
I’m sitting in a holding cell not feeling very well.

The lawyer said, “Don’t dread,
I’ll get you out tonight.
The only thing you have to do
is chill and just sit tight.”

It turned he was wrong,
and I’m sure you will agree,
with the judge who grinned when he sentenced me
and he threw away the key!

Oh!

Woe is me, misery, there’s nothing I can do.
I guess I should have thought before I stole those gifts from you.

Oh!

Ho, ho, ho, here I am, I’m on the prison bus
I’m wishing you a happy day and a very, very, merry Christmas.

(And New Year, too!)