The birthday

The birthday

She raised her glass and said, “To the most dogmatic man I’ve ever dated. Happy birthday.”

He said, “What’s that mean?”

“You’re a little dogmatic,” she said.

“Right. I might be a lot of things, but I’m not dogmatic.”

“Yeah, you are,” she said. “You’re kind of being dogmatic now. Are you going to thank me for the toast?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

“That’s kind of rude.”

“It’s not rude. No one would acknowledge a toast that’s not true.”

“Dogmatic,” she whispered as she shook her head.

“Or that’s insulting.”

“Like I said…”

He took a sip of his Riesling, made a face and set it down. “And who orders a Syrah with fish.”

“Someone who’s not dogmatic, maybe?”

“Funny,” he said with a frown.

“Thank you!”

“Or maybe someone who doesn’t understand wine,” he whispered.

“What?”

“Nothing. Enjoy your wine.”

“And you know what else? You were a little misleading in your personal ad when you described yourself as ‘roguishly charming in a George Clooney meets Jimmy Stewart kind of way’”.

He raised his hand to signal the server for the check and said to her, “I guess we both know this date was a mistake.”

“Yeah, big time.”

He turned his head and watched for the server.

“Cat got your tongue?”

He looked back at her. “No, I’m just…”

“Just what?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t be mulish,” she said. Just what?”

“I’m not mulish.”

“And you’re pouting.”

“This isn’t a pout. I’m…”

“What?”

“Nothing,” he said. “I’m nothing.”

“Stop it. You’re what?”

He raised his eyebrows and looked at her and said, “I’m just a little depressed because this is my birthday, and it hasn’t been a particularly fun day. And now this date isn’t fun. And it’s also our third date and I thought that because it’s my birthday and because it’s our third date that we’d, you know, have sex.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

She smiled. “Well, we could do that. Have sex if you want.”

His eye brightened almost immediately. “Really? We can have sex?”

“No,” she said as she stood up. She reached down and patted the top of his hand. “Goodbye. And happy birthday, sweetie. And maybe try and relax and be a little more openminded.”

He watched her walk away and then continued to sit and think about his life. He ran his index finger around the rim of his wine glass.

“Will there be anything else, sir?” the waiter asked.