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April 11, 2022

It’s the biweekly Terrible Poetry Contest hosted by Chel Owens. Matt won the last round and so had the honor of picking this week’s prompt. This week we’ll write on the Theme of bad driving, free-verse style. The goal: make it terrible.


For, I say; fore.
Out of my way for I am a bad driver.
Four violent torso twists, the club a blur of polished wood, and the ball barely moves

but my back hurts.
For what it’s worth –

to toot my own horn –

I’ll say that I’m not bad with
or putters,
but drivers,

I am a bad driver.

Drivers are the chink in my Armour bologna Cracker Crunchers
lunch with a Butterfinger candy bar fun size dessert armor.

I ate at an Italian restaurant, name now forgotten, and I was so taken with the bombolotti, that squat little powerhouse noodle that expertly trapped the slightly sweet sauce and diced onion and, I think?

Parmigiano or pecorina cheese as a culinary captive to caress my …


no provincialism here: my slobbering mouth. So I had to

compliment the chef directly.

I drove myself, chest first, proudly displaying my all’Amatriciana sauce stained shiny Sahara sand satin shirt to the kitchen,


say anything:

The chef, garbed in his winter jacket,

for it was
winter whence
met, met
at the door and said:

“I cannot unlock my car door”.

I, taken aback, said: “Why not?”

He said, “I have gnocchi.”

I drove him home. I only exceeded the speed limit once,
very briefly,
to make a light.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. April 11, 2022 8:24 am

    So artfully bad, that it’s really good!
    Another one knocked out of the ball park…the Twins could use your help!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. April 11, 2022 8:39 am

    “I have gnocchi.”–I am dying!!! Outstandingly terrible. I love this.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. April 15, 2022 8:29 am

    You are the master at this. There were so many good entries this week; yours was definitely a runner-up.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. April 15, 2022 5:11 pm

    A touch of punning and a wild slice of subversion is always a winner.



  1. WINNER of the Terrible Poetry Contest 4/14/2022

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