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Untitled Nursery Rhyme (Terrible Poetry Contest)

October 14, 2019

Week 47 of Chelsea’s Terrible Poetry Contest is here. This week she revisits nursery rhymes but “the rule is that you must take an existing nursery rhyme as your base.” Please visit and play along and embrace the terribleness that lurks within you.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Hickory dickory dock,
I got a hole in my sock.
I let it go and stubbed my toe
and fell on my old banjo.

Then Mary’s lamb came prancing by and took a look at me.
“Help!” I said but the lamb just turned and nibbled on my
forgotten peanut butter and onion panini.

I couldn’t believe it, the lamb wouldn’t help, that lousy, fleecy
snob.
So I crawled over slowly and with my hands turned that lamb into a
kebab.

Then Mary came a-running in, “Oh I loved that lamb a lot.”
She cried and cried and with the back of her hand wiped away a gob of snot.

That made me sick, that gooey drool, wet boogers on the back of her wrist
and I wondered for a minute if she ever gave her boyfriend a sloppy wet bugger-y kiss.

She probably did. That poor old fella, I hope he carries a hanky,
and not just any hanky but one as big as my light blue naptime blanky.

That’s my story and now I’m tired and I’ve still got a hole in my sock
and guess what?
I just saw a cloud
drift past wearing
a raincoat and I said
to the cloud,

“Hey what are you wearing under your raincoat and the cloud said,
“Thunderwear”.

And I said,
“You’re lighter than air”.

And the cloud said, “You’re a poet.”

And I said, “But a terrible one.”

And the cloud said, “Well I didn’t want to say anything, but–”

And we both smiled.

And the cloud floated away
with a promise to
come on back another day

and Mary started washing her face, washing her face, washing
her face on this cold and frosty morning. And then she started
to dance around a Mulberry bush and I called her Mulberry Mary.

 

4 Comments leave one →
  1. October 14, 2019 2:04 pm

    Oh my.
    Remember this:
    If you kiss your honey
    When your nose is runny
    You may think it’s funny.
    But it’s snot.
    (Stolen from a greeting card from decades past)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. October 17, 2019 9:33 am

    Well, I’d say that about covers it. Very clever!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. October 18, 2019 8:38 pm

    Argh; this was so terrible! I seriously considered it for first.

    Liked by 1 person

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  1. WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest | Chelsea Ann Owens

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