Random Thoughts #35: What Do You Do?
June 20, 2019
I was thinking. You’re walking through a beautiful Minneapolis skyway admiring the floor covering when you hear a noise. You look up to see a horde of Berserkers and they’re moving toward you fast. You turn to run the other way only to find a swarm of Nazi zombies charging toward you from that direction. These are the new zombies that move fast, not the old-fashioned slow ones. The only thing you have to defend yourself is a one-handed ball-and-chain flail. What do you do: face the Berserkers or face the Nazi zombies or smash the skyway glass and leap the 30 – 40 feet to the pavement below and hope that you survive the fall well enough to hobble away?
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Michael B. Fishman
Michaelsfishbowl 
I smash the glass with a upward swing, but have thrown the flail with enough force that it drags and catches on the skyway roof, allowing me to swing on to the top and run away on the rooftop. The other floor admirers are enough of a tasty snack to satisfy the Nazi zombies, and the Berserkers were just passing through on their way to the courthouse anyway…
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It’s a short flail and probably won’t reach the top of the skyway. And then what happens when you’re on the top of the skyway and can’t get down? I suppose bystanders would see you and call the fire department but the zombies might overwhelm their rescue ladder and use that to make their way to street level where they would eat the lunchtime crowd of Minneapolitans and triple their ranks.
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You have not seen how long my arms are. And I have a PhD in parkour, and a a passport and helicopter always at my beck and call.
Cuz I’m like that.
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I think you will survive the Berserker/Zombie onslaught!
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I wouldn’t survive the fall, so I’d probably run toward the Berserkers yelling, “Zombies!!” and point desperately at the oncoming horde.
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But can you speak Norwegian because the Berserkers don’t speak English. And then if they’re in a murderous trance they might not even here you and you’d be overwhelmed. I’m wondering though if reciting some poems from the Terrible Poetry archives might get their attention and give you enough time to escape?
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Ooh! Are you there? That could work.
..and to I have my phone? How long does it take to ask Google how to say, “Zombies” in Norwegian?
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Yes, you have your phone but the time to ask Google would depend on Wi-Fi connectivity. I just checked Google and it turns out that “Zombie” in Norwegian is “Zombie” so you’re in luck! It’s pronounced differently though so it might not be a bad idea for one to brush up on ones Norwegian accent. And apparently they eat a lot of flat breads over there so carrying a package of Wasabrod might come in handy.
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This is sounding like one of those riddles where the solution is am object not exactly named in the original telling… 😀
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I don’t think there’s a solution to this scenario because all the options lead to the same dire outcome. Except maybe for magic, that would maybe be a solution. Assuming it was powerful enough magic.
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Oh yes. It’s a real pisser when that happens.
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