Getting To Know Me

I was hankering for something quick to write this morning while I had some free time and I was drawing a blank so I googled “quick writing prompt” and the first result was a website called Thoughtco and the article was “50 Writing Prompts for Elementary School Children”. I thought, nah, and was going to look at the next link when I thought elementary school children are what, between the ages of like five and 12 and then I thought that most of the time I think like an elementary school kid so I decided to take the prompts and answer them. So here we go and if you read this and feel like answer them please leave me a link so I can go and read your answers.

1. The person I admire the most is … My mom.
2. My biggest goal in life is… To not grow up.
3. The best book I ever read… So many so there’s no official “best” but maybe for today I’ll say “East of Eden”.
4. The happiest moment in my life was when… There have been a lot of “moments” in my life – we have 525,600 moments in a year, ‘ya know? Then multiply that by however many years and we’re up to the tens of millions of “moments” – so the better question would probably be “The happiest time”. Of course now that I’ve nitpicked this fourth question I have no desire, or interest, in answering it so you’ll just have to use your imagination as to what my happiest time was/is/will be.
5. When I grow up… See #2.
6. The most interesting place I have ever been was… Not “was”, it’s someplace I haven’t been to yet. Ooh, someplace I haven’t been yet – isn’t that mysterious?! Am I going to finally be an astronaut or am I going to go off to the wild west and become a cowboy? But the Minneapolis Art Institute and the Eloise Butler Wildlife Garden are both interesting places.
7. Tell three things you do not like about school and why… It’s been a long time and since this is a list of writing prompts for elementary school students I’ll answer like I’m back in elementary school. Three things I do not like about school are PhysEd, PhysEd & PhysEd because PhysEd sucks.
8. The strangest dream I ever had was… Pretty strange, lemme tell you. (Why am I answering these questions and why did I think this would be a good idea? I don’t know that it was a good idea)
9. When I turn 16 I will… Be one year closer to being 17 and 74 years closer to be 90.
10. All about my family… This made me think of All in the Family which was a good show when it first aired but unlike a lot of other shows from the 70’s, it hasn’t held up well.
11. I get scared when… I wake up in the morning.
12. Five things I would do if I was rich are… If I were a rich man I’d give money to people I know, give money to people I don’t know, give money to me, I’d buy an insane amount of stuff, I’d get baseball season tickets right behind home plate. I don’t know what team I’d buy the season tickets for because I might move so no hometown loyalty for me. Either to a warm city or a National League city where I don’t have to watch Designated Hitters and where I could live near water in a home I buy with my riches.
13. What is your favorite sport and why? Baseball because it’s the best and it’s the only sport that’s worth watching.
14. If I could change the world I would by… No one person can change the world so this isn’t a good question. If I were a fantasy writer then I would change the world by having an alien race with aqua-colored skin and 14 arms from 15,000,000,000 light years away arrive and conquer the planet and I’d let them change the world. And trust me, if that happened it probably wouldn’t be good so let’s skip to question/prompt #15.
15. Dear teacher, I would like to know… “Master, if I shall love others, how can I be sure that they in return will love me in return?” (Name that show or click HERE)
16. Dear President… Please resign and go away.
17. I am happy when… I feel good.
18. I am sad when… I don’t feel good.
19. If I had three wishes I would… Not use them because wishes are never free and I’m not willing to pay the price(s).
20. Describe your best friend, how you met them, and why you are friends… I met my best friend through another friend and I have no idea why we’re still friends. In fact, I’m not sure we are so I should check on that at some point.
21. Describe your favorite animal and why… I suppose dogs because they’re everywhere and I like them. I don’t have any dogs but I would like a big dog and one that’s smarter than me. Maybe a Rottweiler or a Pit Bull Terrier or a Neapolitan Mastiff like Patsy, the dog in Andrew Vachss’ “Burke” series of books. No, none of the “Burke” books replace my choice from #3 above (although Blue Belle could make a run) but it’s a good series and if you like hardboiled crime fiction you might like them.
22. My pet elephant… OK, scratch #21 and change dogs to elephants because I would love to have a pet elephant but that would be cruel. Unless I also change #21 and use my riches to fund an elephant sanctuary where I can live with a lot of elephants. Or I could take a risk and change #19 and use a wish or two to have a pet elephant in some way. Decisions . . .  who knew these questions would require such decision-making skills? And this reminds me of other favorite books and those are Hannah’s Dream by Diane Hammond and Modoc: The True Story of the Greatest Elephant that Ever Lived by Ralph Helfer. I liked both of those books better than Water for Elephants.
23. The time a bat was in my house… This is a true story. The bat got in and was flying all around my apartment and swooping up and down and I swatted it with the Woodstock triple album and s/he slammed into the wall and dropped down onto my bed (yuck, I know). While s/he was laying there stunned I grabbed a plastic bag to scoop him (I’m done being gender non-specific) up and I saw a little bug (flea?) hop off of him onto my bed (yuck again, I know). I scooped him up and ran downstairs and opened the plastic bag and threw him out into the parking lot of the apartment building where I told myself he would eventually wake up and fly away (or get run over because at that point I didn’t really care) and then I ran back upstairs and grabbed up my bedding and ran back downstairs to the laundry room in the basement and washed them. It was a late night. I learned later that bats can fit through a 1/4″ diameter hole in a screen so check your windows.
24. When I become an adult I want to… See #’s 2 & 5. I don’t plan on becoming an adult. (And I’m not sure if I plan on finishing these questions)
25. My best vacation was when I went to… Going to visit my grandparents in Florida. I suppose that would be “vacations” because I went there a lot.
26. Top 5 reasons why people argue are… Religion, Money, Ego, Politics, Love. Bonus answer: pizza toppings.
27. Describe 5 reasons why going to school is important. It gives teachers jobs, it keeps pencil manufacturers in business, you can make cool paper covers for your books, it gets you out of the house for a few hours, you can learn to play a musical instrument there.
28. My favorite television show is… (describe why) There have been a lot in the past but not so many nowadays. Homicide: Life on the Street, The Wire and Oz were really good, and if a miniseries counts as a TV show then The Corner takes that prize followed by Lonesome Dove (which, by the way, is another favorite book) Describe why? Because they were good. (OK, these questions are becoming annoying and I’m questioning why I thought this might be fun)
29. The time I found a dinosaur in my backyard… Oh, gee, let’s see… that was like 70 million years ago when that happened and my memory, heck, I can barely remember what I had for breakfast. (Gosh, why am I doing this?!)
30. Describe the best present that you ever received… Present? “Don’t get caught in the past, because the past is gone. Don’t get upset about the future, because the future is not yet here. There is only one moment for you to be alive, and that is the present moment. Go back to the present moment and live this moment deeply, and you’ll be free.” – Buddha
31. Why is it that people say they love each other and they really don’t? Because people lie for various reasons; one of them being that they’re afraid of the truth. Another is they’re afraid of the person they say they love. Another is they’re afraid of themselves.
32. My most embarrassing moment was when… I dropped a carton of milk off of my lunch tray in the school cafeteria when I was seven.
33. Describe your favorite food and why… Pizza because it tastes good but I don’t eat it so much anymore. Right now it’s maybe Pad See Yew or some kind of stir fry.
34. Describe your least favorite food and why… Meat, dairy. Pretty much anything that’s has little or no nutrition or is unhealthy or requires another animal to die for me.
35. The top 3 qualities of a friend are… Honesty, loyalty, sense of humor.
36. Write about what you would cook for an enemy… Why would I be cooking for an enemy (and why am I still answering these questions???)? Unless I suppose I had captured him in war and he was a POW in which case I would be cooking for him but in that case I would follow the Geneva Convention regarding humane treatment of prisoners.
37. Use these words in a short story: scared, angry, Sunday, bugs. Once upon a time it was Sunday. I was scared and angry because the rain brought out the bugs and the exterminator wasn’t due out for another two days. The end. (Is it mercifully the end of these questions yet?)
38. What’s your idea of a perfect vacation? One where you’re not thinking of something to write about for a few minutes and stumble into some insanely long questionnaire for children that you find yourself wishing you’d never started. And one that was either in Disney World or by a large body of water.
39. Write about why someone might be afraid of snakes. I still have 11 questions to go after this? Seriously?!? Help me! OK, someone might be of snakes for any number of reasons. Maybe because they crawl and don’t have arms or legs? Maybe because they look slimy? Maybe because they’re hung up on original sin? Maybe because they don’t like Alice Cooper? Maybe because their baby brother was eaten by a snake during a family trip to the Amazon rainforest?
40. List ten rules that you have broken and why you broke them. I’ve spit on the sidewalk and the other nine are better left to your imagination so have at it. Ask me and if you’re right I’ll tell you. Maybe.
41. I’d walk a mile for… Oh thank heavens, only 10 questions left! I’d walk a mile for exercise, relaxation, to get somewhere that was a mile away from me. 21+ years ago I’d woulda walked a mile for a Camel.
42. I wish someone had told me that… I was crazy for thinking that answering these questions was a good idea or a good way to kill a few minutes.
43. Describe the hottest day you can remember… It was August, can’t remember the year, and the sun was out and people were wearing t-shirts and shorts and saying goofy stuff like, “Hey, hot enough for you?” and “Hey, at least it’s not 10 below and snowing!”
44. Write about the best decision that you have ever made… Well, it wasn’t starting to answer these prompts/questions 43 questions ago, I can tell you that!
45. You opened the door and then… Closed it because no one was there. It took 45 questions to get to this one which might actually make for an interesting writing prompt.
46. The time the power went out I… Put on my head flashlight and walked around and when that got boring I grabbed my Kindle and read.
47. Write about 5 things you can do if the power goes out… Read, meditate, sleep, go outside for a walk, sit and wonder why I answered these questions.
48. If I were President I would… President of what? A bank? Amazon? My HOA? The Library Board? The country? But what about if I were a king? Why if I were king of the forest I’d command each thing, be it fish or fowl, with a woof and a woof, and a royal growl. And I wouldn’t be afraid of anything. Not nobody, not nohow.
49. Create a poem using the word: love, happy, smart, and sunny.,,
    Love can make you feel happy, or crappy.
    Smart and sunny, or anxious and funny.
    Enter at your own risk.
50. The time my teacher forgot to wear shoes… Her feel got cold and Tim Severson developed a foot fetish that 16 years later would land him in jail. Sheesh. Thank heavens I’m done!
    

Have at it, and if you do, remember to leave me a link. And if you do, don’t blame me!