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Nursery Rhymes (or Crimes?) – Terrible Poetry Contest

February 6, 2019

This week Chelsea’s Terrible Poetry Contest challenges us with nursery rhymes. This was a difficult one for me because I like nursery rhymes and trying to make a terrible one seemed almost sort of sacrilegious. Of course I like poetry in general, too, and I don’t seem to have a problem with making terrible poetry so go figure.

Want to give it a spin? Go HERE for everything you need to know.

Here’s my spin – –

Frankie holds his undies out, mom takes them with a frown.
Her nose is wrinkled, her eyes are closed, a reaction to the brown.

“Why, Frankie, dear these pants do smell oh my, what did you do?”

“I’m sorry mom I just bent down and out came some tiny poo.”

Tiny’s right, Frank’s mommie thinks, they look like baby ants.
Or maybe, she laughs, like something dropped from Captain Underpants.

Since I’m desecrating the holiness of nursery rhymes, why stop with just one? Here’s another –

Frankie stepped down off the curb he didn’t look left or right.
A speeding driver came down the street and drove right through the light.
People shouted out to Frankie; many more folks screamed
But Frankie was listening to a baseball broadcast and wound up getting creamed.

Frankie got run over.
There wasn’t much left over.
Sort of like a cherry turnover
(only with blood and bones and torn and wrinkled skin instead of cherries)

They used a mop to clean up Frankie, the driver went away in chains
And all that was left at the end of the day was a bit of Frankie’s brains.
So when you cross the street my friends be sure to look both ways
unless you want to wind up as a blob of bloody mayonnaise.

Here’s a song about a pair of underwear you probably wouldn’t want to be near.

And here’s a song about life and catching up with an old friend that unfortunately includes someone who was in a car crash like our unfortunate Frankie. I know some people don’t enjoy Tom Waits’ singing voice, but the man writes poetry/songs like few others.


12 Comments leave one →
  1. February 8, 2019 9:30 am

    Oh. Dear. Lord.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Michael B. Fishman permalink*
      February 8, 2019 4:28 pm

      That terrible?! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • February 8, 2019 4:31 pm

        Truly, that good. All of it. brings back fond Gather memories!


        • Michael B. Fishman permalink*
          February 8, 2019 4:41 pm

          I miss Gather and all the writing prompts. None of the Facebook attempts to replicate it have come close to matching the greatness of Gather.

          Liked by 1 person

  2. February 8, 2019 12:26 pm

    Agreed with Liz. 😀
    These were really bad, and ones I almost picked. Plus, my son really liked them.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. February 8, 2019 2:54 pm

    You made me laugh so hard when I read these, Michael. They are both so truly terrible and soooo funny.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. March 7, 2019 6:23 am

    Perfect just the right mix of the scatalogical and slimy

    Liked by 1 person


  1. WINNER of the Weekly Terrible Poetry Contest | Chelsea Ann Owens

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