Oh, Mister Buxton

If I were king of the forest the first thing I’d do is create a new word that’s defined as something worse than “really bad” and “pathetic” and then I’d use that word whenever I talked about Byron Buxton. (Of course that would put me at odds with every professional journalist in the Twin Cities who writes about the Twins, but as king of the forest that wouldn’t bother me) The second thing I’d do is cut bait (and yes, I’d say “cut bait” because I like that little idiom) on Byron Buxton and send him back down to the AAA level (I lean toward Chattanooga but as a sensitive and caring king of the forest I’ll cut him a break) and leave him there until he proves that he can play consistently at that level. And my kingly definition of “consistently” means not strike out over 37% of the time (yes, I’m including 2016 Spring Training). When Mister Buxton proves he can do that, maybe sometime in mid-2017 (and yes, I’m an optimistic king of the forest), I’d bring him back up to the #MNTwins. Oh yeah, and I’d tell him to change his Twitter name to something other than “OfficialBuck103” so it doesn’t sound like he’s bragging about his batting average.