Dear Jennifer, who is this Justin guy anyway?

I don’t know who this Justin Theroux guy is. I haven’t seen any of his work – okay, that’s not totally true, I did see part of American Psycho but hated the movie so much I didn’t bother to finish it. American Psycho notwithstanding, he could be the most talented actor and the nicest guy in the world for all I know. While I don’t know his work, what I do know is that he’s not the right guy for Jennifer Aniston. I mean seriously, take a look at him. In addition to being riddled with tattoos (I read this information, I have no personal knowledge of his tattoos) and apparently lacking the ability to shave (again, based on pictures where he seems to have a perpetual five o’clock shadow), based on the picture below he’s got spindly legs and caterpillar eyebrows and a very high forehead. I, on the other hand, not that I like to boast, have beautiful legs, normal eyebrows and, as opposed to a high forehead, I’m all forehead.

I think it is

(pardon the tautology)

(does Justin Theroux even know what tautology is?)

(probably not because he’s too busy grooming his caterpillar eyebrows)

plainly obvious that I’m the better choice for Jennifer Aniston.

As late as last November, Jennifer still hadn’t disclosed the date of her wedding to Mr. Eyebrows and I can only interpret that as her having second thoughts and that she’s weighing her options between Mr. Moth Larva Eyebrows and a certain goofy blogger from Minnesota.