The Walking Dread

Heh, The Walking Dread. Cool name for a reggae band.

I have no idea why I’m still watching The Walking Dead. It’s probably because I like zombies, but even the zombies – and the obligatory, once-weekly, zombie attack, not to mention those inane jump scares – are wearing thin. Why am I still watching? Maybe I’m sticking around to see psycho-in-the-making Carl finally lose whatever grip on reality he has and climb up to the prison’s guard tower and start shooting everyone in sight. Shooting everyone in sight and then getting naked and bathing in their blood. Carl. Why did I even have to mention him? Carl. The biggest child pain in the ass TV character since Danny Partridge. I dislike Carl as much as I disliked his mother, Lori.

Anyway.

What bothers me is that every week I watch TWD and at no point do they ever talk about – let alone get closer to – some type of cure to the mysterious – and unexplained – pathogen that has infected everyone on the show, ensuring they turn into a zombie regardless of how they die. I think it was explained in an episode (an episode that feels like it aired about 15 years ago now) that if a person stubs their toe and gets an infection, and dies from that infection, they’ll turn, for whatever reason (Virus? Bacteria? Alien spores? Andrew Lincoln’s wooden acting? Leaving this life is better than a life on the same planet as little John Wayne Gacy Carl?) into a zombie. I know that dying without a zombie bite and reanimating is pretty common (I believe that’s how it works in George Romero’s zombie world) and I accept the mysterious nature of the plague since that’s common in just about every zombie movie and I get that there aren’t any answers and I get that simply surviving is a priority that takes up every part of everyone’s day, (well, everyone but Night Stalker Carl who is out pulling the heads off of squirrels and gophers and showering in their blood) but just once it’d be nice to at least see the subject brought up in passing so I know it’s at least a minor concern.

“Hey, Joe, ‘ya think we’ll ever find a cure for this whatever-it-is thing that turns everyone into zombies?”

“Uh, I dunno.”

“Mmmkay, let’s get back to fortifying that fence.”

“I thought we was a-diggin’ graves?”

“Mmmkay. Better go ask Rick then.”

Wishes aside, the show feels directionless to me and it moves as such a slow pace that I wonder if anyone in charge really knows where the story is going and if they have an end in mind. I don’t ask for much, just give me a little something that gives me the feeling that someone has an idea where the ride is taking us and that I’m not simply watching another aimless series like Lost only to find out in another three years that everyone’s already dead. Or worse, that it’s all been a dream. In fairness, they did drop that little garbled radio transmission this past Sunday talking about a “sanctuary” and that was kind of cool.

Anyway.

I thought this past Sunday’s show was silly. And boring. But mainly silly. Karen and David are dead. Dead and burned. Okay, I know that Karen was Tyrese’s girlfriend, but who the heck was David? The big mystery of the hour was who killed the pair and since the cast of characters is pretty limited, it’s really not much of a mystery. While I’m sure the miniature Hillside Strangler Carl would have loved to have killed them, and drink their blood afterwards, it’s pretty obvious it’s not him. So who does that leave? Baby Judith? That would have been an interesting headline: Apocalypse Baby Born With Supernatural Strength. Kills Infected and Stops Plague. Humanity Lives! Everyone Rejoices and Has Sex! Think it through and the only obvious answer, the one that was telegraphed by the writers, was Carol. Soft, shy, sexually frustrated (c’mon Darryl, make a move already) Carol. The same Carol who Tyrese said is good with people and good with caring for people, and the same Carol that Tyrese trusted with the care of his very own sick sister Sasha. How can such a noble woman commit… (bum, bum, buuuummm) Murder?

Remember when zombies were scary?

The real mysteries to this past show for me were not why Carol committed two mercy killings, but 1) How did Carol manage to drag both dead bodies out of the prison and into the open yard by herself? 2) How was it that no one saw her or the trail of blood? 3) How did no one see the fire that burned the bodies to a crisp? 2A) How did no one smell the bodies being burned? 3) Why did Carol drag the corpses out into the courtyard and burn them rather than simply use the knife she carries on her hip to stab them in the head and leave them where they were? 4) How did Rick, super sleuth that he is, determine that it was Carol who killed the two? The only things I saw him do while investigating the murders were walk around the corpses, à la Adrian Monk, and then later discover a bloody handprint on the edge of a door. 5) And last, and least, who cares anyway? It’s not like mercy killing a friend/loved one on this show is new territory. Andrea killed her sister Amy after she reanimated and Darryl killed Dale after he reanimated (thanks for precipitating Dale’s death go to Pint-sized Norman Bates Carl!) as well as his own brother Merle, and Rick himself killed little Sophia and his best friend Shane in, what some might believe to be cold blood. Yeah, sure, it was arguably self-defense, but I think Rick had other options besides giving the guy some hope for the future and then shoving a knife into his heart. And then he had the nerve to hold a dying Shane’s head and shout at him something like, “You did this. You brought this on.” Why? Because he slept with your wife? Hell, Rick, you should have thanked him and rewarded him for that. Oh, and then didn’t Wee Jeffrey Dahmer Carl kill Shane after he reanimated? In any event, Tyrese should be on his knees thanking Carol for what she did, for making sure Karen didn’t reanimate, not plotting his revenge.

Anyway.

In the meantime, I do want to know where that garbled radio broadcast was coming from and what it might lead to and I want to know what happens to the gang out hunting for antibiotics and currently surrounded by a zombie horde so I, uh, guess I can’t wait for next week.