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My Final Rest

April 13, 2012

100-words Flash Fiction Friday!

Become a Friday Fictioneer! It’s simple and easy!

Every Friday, Madison Woods posts a photo prompt and a story to accompany the prompt. You write a 100-word story for the prompt and take it over to Madison and leave her a comment on her story along with a link back to yours. Read everyone else’s responses, Tweet and have fun!

Here’s Madison’s prompt for this week. Click it. 

Did you click it? Was I right? Simple and easy!

Here we go…

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Van Winkle Tunnel photo: Madison Woods

My Final Rest

Yellow tape is gone,
blood washed away,
benches both brand-new,
then, concrete gray.

The path was dark that evening,
July twenty-third,
8:00 p.m., the moon was new,
’twas the time I preferred.

Walking alone, lost in thought
I heard the nightjar’s trill,
I didn’t hear the stranger ‘til
he reached the foot of the hill.

He threw me up against the wall,
pain first sharp, then none.
I whispered “Mercy” as I looked up,
but he had just begun.

Eighty years now come July
the strangers roam possessed.
I just weep for the others
and wait for my final rest.

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50 Comments leave one →
  1. April 13, 2012 6:41 am

    Very, very spooky and nicely presented in verse. Well done.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/

    Like

  2. April 13, 2012 7:33 am

    Now, that’s a refreshing offering this week. Well done!

    http://seewilliams.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/l-for-lifes-choices-friday-flash-fictioneers/

    Like

  3. April 13, 2012 8:24 am

    Cool, but eerie take on the photo…

    Sharing mine: http://wp.me/p1aAEA-tz

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 3:23 pm

      I was hoping for eerie! Thank you, Kris!

      Like

  4. Sonel permalink
    April 13, 2012 8:36 am

    Awesome Michael! 🙂

    Like

  5. April 13, 2012 8:37 am

    Beautiful and yet scary poem.

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 3:24 pm

      Thank you! I’m off to read yours now.

      Like

  6. April 13, 2012 9:04 am

    How ominous, and how rough a story to read! But I like that.

    http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/friday-fictioneers-halfway-bridge/

    Like

  7. April 13, 2012 9:18 am

    Very dark and scary and I love it!

    –Jan
    http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/1571/

    Like

  8. EmmaMc permalink
    April 13, 2012 9:21 am

    A wonderful way to tell a story, really liked this. Great job.

    http://freejournowriter.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-going-under/

    Like

  9. April 13, 2012 9:31 am

    Eerie verse…nice tempo too. Every time I try poetry, it comes out sounding like Dr. Seuss. haha. Yours is very well written, and I enjoyed it immensely. I’m glad I came here first, this morning!

    Here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/

    ~Susan

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 3:26 pm

      Thank you, Susan. I’m glad you came here, too!

      Like

  10. April 13, 2012 10:11 am

    A haunting and eerie poem, not usually a big fan of poetry, but I loved this one.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 3:28 pm

      Thank you. I appreciate your comment!

      Like

  11. April 13, 2012 11:54 am

    I’m not good with poetry, but this works very well. The flow feels quite childlike and whimsical, but the ending brings forth all manner of horrifying and disturbing images…making it very difficult to forget.
    That’s a compliment by the way, if it didnt read as such! 🙂

    Mine’s this-a-way:
    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/134/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 3:28 pm

      Thank you, Gary. I was hoping for disturbing so I took it as a compliment. I appreciate your feedback!

      Like

  12. April 13, 2012 12:11 pm

    Yes, I could feel it.

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 3:29 pm

      Thank you for stopping by and reading it!

      Like

  13. Word Nerd permalink
    April 13, 2012 12:37 pm

    Wow. Really, really, really good. (I would have added more reallys, but you know, sometimes less is more.)

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 3:30 pm

      I’m always up for more reallys! Thank you for the nice words!

      Like

  14. April 13, 2012 2:44 pm

    So dark and sad but so well written. Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/13/the-incident/

    Like

  15. Madison Woods permalink
    April 13, 2012 8:02 pm

    What a smooth poem for so dark a subject. I’m really impressed with that, you did a great job on it.

    Like

  16. April 14, 2012 11:17 am

    This tells everything and so well drawn in verse!
    I enjoyed this a lot.
    Mine is : http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/something-watches/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 3:32 pm

      Thank you, Amanda. I appreciate your comment!

      Like

  17. Lora Mitchell permalink
    April 14, 2012 5:55 pm

    Spooky and eerie, yet enjoyable. Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 14, 2012 6:04 pm

      Thanks, Lora. I’m happy you enjoyed it and happier for your comment!

      Like

      • Lora Mitchell permalink
        April 14, 2012 7:49 pm

        Dear MIchael: You made me extremely happy with the lovely, touching comments you left in response to my story. My feet have not touched the ground since.

        Like

  18. April 14, 2012 6:31 pm

    I liked it a lot. There were two verses that disturbed me a little—

    “Walking alone, lost in thought
    I heard the nightjar’s trill,
    I didn’t hear the stranger ‘til
    he reached the foot of the hill.”
    —the three “ill” sounds felt odd to me. I would almost suggest following the abcb format you had in the first two verses. I liked “nightjar’s trill” a lot. Maybe something like “I didn’t hear the stranger. Then” as the third line?

    “Eighty years now come July
    the strangers roam possessed.
    I just weep for the others
    and wait for my final rest.”
    — this feels a little unbalanced. I would suggest using “and await my final rest.” as the last line to pull out that second “for.”

    Thanks for your comment on my blog 🙂

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 15, 2012 10:37 am

      Thank you for the feedback, Stacey. Excellent suggestions and I like both of them! Thank you!

      Like

  19. April 14, 2012 7:24 pm

    you said it was the time you preferred. that suggests suicide. but the rest does not.

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 15, 2012 10:39 am

      I never thought of her contemplating suicide so that’s interesting. My thought was that dusk was her favorite time to go out for a walk. Thank you for reading it and for the comment!

      Like

      • April 15, 2012 12:51 pm

        ok, that explains her choice or preference, but it threw me off.

        Like

  20. Lora Mitchell permalink
    April 14, 2012 8:28 pm

    Dear Michael: When you commented on my story, It finally dawned on me what you meant by your last line. How sweet and thoughtful of you. Yes, my thoughts have been with my mom today on her birthday and a candle has been burning all day in her memory. They say the departed respond to candlelight…I hope it’s so. Thank you again. Of all the readers, you’re the only one to respond to that tag re. mom.

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 17, 2012 4:47 am

      As to candelight: I think it’s so.

      Like

  21. April 15, 2012 9:20 am

    Beautiful verse.

    Like

  22. April 16, 2012 1:41 pm

    I love that you did this as a poem. Really lovely. It could almost be paired up with mine, don’t you think?

    Apparently a lot of us associate tunnels with death! Ha. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 17, 2012 4:50 am

      I do think they almost work together. Yours from the POV of a bystander and mine from the victim. Great minds and all that, huh? 🙂

      Like

  23. April 16, 2012 2:20 pm

    That was powerful.

    Like

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