My Final Rest
100-words Flash Fiction Friday!
Become a Friday Fictioneer! It’s simple and easy!
Every Friday, Madison Woods posts a photo prompt and a story to accompany the prompt. You write a 100-word story for the prompt and take it over to Madison and leave her a comment on her story along with a link back to yours. Read everyone else’s responses, Tweet and have fun!
Here’s Madison’s prompt for this week. Click it.
Did you click it? Was I right? Simple and easy!
Here we go…
#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-
My Final Rest
Yellow tape is gone,
blood washed away,
benches both brand-new,
then, concrete gray.
The path was dark that evening,
July twenty-third,
8:00 p.m., the moon was new,
’twas the time I preferred.
Walking alone, lost in thought
I heard the nightjar’s trill,
I didn’t hear the stranger ‘til
he reached the foot of the hill.
He threw me up against the wall,
pain first sharp, then none.
I whispered “Mercy” as I looked up,
but he had just begun.
Eighty years now come July
the strangers roam possessed.
I just weep for the others
and wait for my final rest.
Very, very spooky and nicely presented in verse. Well done.
http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/a-place-to-die-for-friday-fictioneers-13-april-2012/
LikeLike
Thank you, Sandra.
LikeLike
Now, that’s a refreshing offering this week. Well done!
http://seewilliams.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/l-for-lifes-choices-friday-flash-fictioneers/
LikeLike
Thanks, Charles.
LikeLike
Cool, but eerie take on the photo…
Sharing mine: http://wp.me/p1aAEA-tz
LikeLike
I was hoping for eerie! Thank you, Kris!
LikeLike
Awesome Michael! 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Sonel.
LikeLike
Beautiful and yet scary poem.
LikeLike
Thank you! I’m off to read yours now.
LikeLike
I fotgot to add my link. Here it is: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/flash-fiction-story-eloped/
LikeLike
How ominous, and how rough a story to read! But I like that.
http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/04/12/friday-fictioneers-halfway-bridge/
LikeLike
PS I love your fish!
LikeLike
Yeah, the fish are pretty cool! Thank you for stopping by and for the comment!
LikeLike
Very dark and scary and I love it!
–Jan
http://janmorrill.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/1571/
LikeLike
Thank you, Jan!
LikeLike
A wonderful way to tell a story, really liked this. Great job.
http://freejournowriter.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-going-under/
LikeLike
Thank you!
LikeLike
Eerie verse…nice tempo too. Every time I try poetry, it comes out sounding like Dr. Seuss. haha. Yours is very well written, and I enjoyed it immensely. I’m glad I came here first, this morning!
Here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/
~Susan
LikeLike
Thank you, Susan. I’m glad you came here, too!
LikeLike
A haunting and eerie poem, not usually a big fan of poetry, but I loved this one.
Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/13/friday-fictioneers-3/
LikeLike
Thank you. I appreciate your comment!
LikeLike
I’m not good with poetry, but this works very well. The flow feels quite childlike and whimsical, but the ending brings forth all manner of horrifying and disturbing images…making it very difficult to forget.
That’s a compliment by the way, if it didnt read as such! 🙂
Mine’s this-a-way:
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/134/
LikeLike
Thank you, Gary. I was hoping for disturbing so I took it as a compliment. I appreciate your feedback!
LikeLike
Yes, I could feel it.
LikeLike
Thank you for stopping by and reading it!
LikeLike
Wow. Really, really, really good. (I would have added more reallys, but you know, sometimes less is more.)
LikeLike
I’m always up for more reallys! Thank you for the nice words!
LikeLike
So dark and sad but so well written. Here’s mine: http://postcardfiction.com/2012/04/13/the-incident/
LikeLike
Thank you, Janet!
LikeLike
What a smooth poem for so dark a subject. I’m really impressed with that, you did a great job on it.
LikeLike
Thanks, Madison!
LikeLike
This tells everything and so well drawn in verse!
I enjoyed this a lot.
Mine is : http://createrealitylivelife.wordpress.com/2012/04/13/something-watches/
LikeLike
Thank you, Amanda. I appreciate your comment!
LikeLike
Spooky and eerie, yet enjoyable. Here’s mine:
http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
LikeLike
Thanks, Lora. I’m happy you enjoyed it and happier for your comment!
LikeLike
Dear MIchael: You made me extremely happy with the lovely, touching comments you left in response to my story. My feet have not touched the ground since.
LikeLike
I liked it a lot. There were two verses that disturbed me a little—
“Walking alone, lost in thought
I heard the nightjar’s trill,
I didn’t hear the stranger ‘til
he reached the foot of the hill.”
—the three “ill” sounds felt odd to me. I would almost suggest following the abcb format you had in the first two verses. I liked “nightjar’s trill” a lot. Maybe something like “I didn’t hear the stranger. Then” as the third line?
“Eighty years now come July
the strangers roam possessed.
I just weep for the others
and wait for my final rest.”
— this feels a little unbalanced. I would suggest using “and await my final rest.” as the last line to pull out that second “for.”
Thanks for your comment on my blog 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you for the feedback, Stacey. Excellent suggestions and I like both of them! Thank you!
LikeLike
you said it was the time you preferred. that suggests suicide. but the rest does not.
LikeLike
I never thought of her contemplating suicide so that’s interesting. My thought was that dusk was her favorite time to go out for a walk. Thank you for reading it and for the comment!
LikeLike
ok, that explains her choice or preference, but it threw me off.
LikeLike
Dear Michael: When you commented on my story, It finally dawned on me what you meant by your last line. How sweet and thoughtful of you. Yes, my thoughts have been with my mom today on her birthday and a candle has been burning all day in her memory. They say the departed respond to candlelight…I hope it’s so. Thank you again. Of all the readers, you’re the only one to respond to that tag re. mom.
LikeLike
As to candelight: I think it’s so.
LikeLike
Beautiful verse.
LikeLike
Thank you, Elaine!
LikeLike
I love that you did this as a poem. Really lovely. It could almost be paired up with mine, don’t you think?
Apparently a lot of us associate tunnels with death! Ha. Thanks for sharing.
LikeLike
I do think they almost work together. Yours from the POV of a bystander and mine from the victim. Great minds and all that, huh? 🙂
LikeLike
That was powerful.
LikeLike
Thank yoy, Ted.
LikeLike