Dear Citizens of the World

December 6, 2011

Dear everyone in the world,

When you sneeze, cover your mouth and nose.

That is all.

Thank you,
Michael

p.s. You public sneezers are all lucky I have that badge over there on the far right of the screen that says I blog with integrity because if I didn’t, I’d really have something to say about all the public sneezers in the world!

p.p.s. And it wouldn’t be pretty!

p.p.p.s. This goes for children, too. I know you’re young, but some of you are the worst offenders and it’s never too early to learn. First lesson: use your fingers to cover your nose, not pick your nose. Do you hear that parents?

p.p.p.p.s. Don’t ever sneeze in an elevator. Ever. Even if you cover your mouth and nose, just don’t do it.

p.p.p.p.p.s. Think twice about sneezing on an escalator. Remember, the sneeze cloud remains in the space in which it was expelled even though you’re travelling up or down. Think of the person behind you.

p.p.p.p.p.p.s. If you’re in a waiting room or office and feel the need to sneeze, either suppress the sneeze or excuse yourself and leave the room and then sneeze.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s. Don’t ever sneeze around food or touch food with hands that have covered a sneeze. Fresh, frozen, canned, bagged, boxed, it doesn’t matter. Don’t ever sneeze around food or touch food with sneezy hands.

p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s. Maybe you’re wondering why I’m only laying down the law for public sneezers and not public farters and that’s because farts are funny. If sneezes were funny I’d leave them alone, too.