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I Broke My Washing Machine

January 2, 2011

I broke my washing machine cover. Or something broke my washing machine.

I lifted the cover of the washer up until it was in its usual upright position and was pulling clothes out to put them into the dryer. Nothing out of the ordinary; pull out some clothes, toss them into the dryer, pull out some more clothes and toss them into the dryer. I was reaching back into the washer for more clothes and suddenly – almost like there was some unseen and dark force driving the events that were about to happen – the washing machine cover slammed down with almost supernatural force.

The cover came down with such speed that if I hadn’t moved by hand out of the way in time, the wrist bone would have been crushed and my hand would have surely been severed from my arm.

< Insert metallic slamming sound here > (I cant insert audio so you’ll have to use your imagination)

The washing machine cover made a very loud metallic slamming sound when it hit the body of the washer, bounced slightly, vibrated for a fraction of a second and was still.

I reached out with my shaky right hand to open the washing machine cover but it wouldn’t budge. The cover felt like it was fused closed by some force not of this world, but when I jiggled it a little bit, the cover opened right up. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t open up all the way because it was off its track, or out of its groove, or not aligned to whatever it is washing machine covers are on, in or aligned to.

I pulled to give the cover a little shift and it opened the rest of the way, but then it wouldn’t close unless I gave it the same little pull. Some unseen phantasm was no doubt having fun at my expense.

That was my morning. The washing machine still works even though the cover seems to have a mind of its own and I still have both of my hands attached to my arms. All’s well that end’s well is what I always say but I’m keeping a wary eye on the iron.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 2, 2011 1:37 pm

    Appliance Voodoo. I’ve heard of it but never knew anyone who was a victim. If you have a large frezzer STAY AWAY FROM IT!
    Be careful my friend, you may have to call in a priest.


    • Michael Fishman permalink
      January 3, 2011 5:55 am

      Thankfully I don’t have a large freezer but I’ve noticed strange going ons around my regular freezer. Like a reedy voice saying something like, “Open me” everytime I walk by it.


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