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Attention Grocery Shoppers!

December 24, 2010

Attention grocery shoppers. Yes, you know who you are. You, the shoppers who, on one of the busiest days of the grocery shopping season, the day before Christmas Eve, wander with wobbly-wheeled carts haphazardly through store aisles, stopping willy-nilly to read labels or check recipes, blocking access to examine endcaps, your vision obscured by dangerously overstuffed grocery carts as you meander down aisles in direct opposition to established shopping patterns, spreading seasonal good cheer to complete strangers who are also eyeing the Chex cereal. Yes, you. You’ve got to regain your senses and return to a normal shopping pattern.

You might be asking yourself what I’m doing at the grocery store on one of the busiest days of the shopping season, the day before Christmas Eve, and I really can’t give you an answer other than I’m probably a little crazy. In reality, I recently discovered this new salad dressing: Bolthouse Farms Creamy Yogurt Classic Ranch Dressing. You know it’s darn right good if it’s got “Creamy” in the title, but what makes this stuff so good is that it tastes like tzatziki only mixed with Ranch dressing. Do you like tzatziki? If you do, then I think you’ll love this dressing. So anyway, I had some on lettuce the other night and I really liked it, and because I couldn’t just tip back the bottle and drink the stuff down straight, I decided that I needed some carrots so I could do some heavy duty dunking. And a frozen pizza because I think it came to me in a dream that this stuff would be really good on a pizza.

By the way, I don’t recommend the Bolthouse Baby-Cut carrots that come in the plastic bag because I think they taste funny. Which is why I stopped eating clowns, but that’s another story for another time.

So I go to the store to get some carrots and a frozen pizza and a loaf of bread because at some point during the day when I was obsessing about how tasty this dressing is, I decided that it might be pretty good on bread as a Bolthouse Farms Creamy Yogurt Classic Ranch Dressing Sandwich.

I had an idea that the store might be crowded, but I never expected that I’d be walking into Grocery Store Armageddon. “It’s alright,” I whispered to myself as I took a deep breath to calm the rising anxiety as I faced the disorganized storm of flesh and metal before me. “I’ll be out of here soon.” With a second deep breath I stepped into the chaos. I had a few close calls, nothing serious or dangerous. Someone may have called me a bad name; I’m not sure because I was moving fast. I was eventually able to check out and thankfully they had a ten or fewer items lane open and I was out of the bedlam and on my way home.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. December 24, 2010 11:11 am

    “Which is why I stopped eating clowns, but that’s another story for another time.”

    I think I just woke up my neighbors by laughing loudly.


    • Michael Fishman permalink
      December 24, 2010 1:41 pm

      Don’t worry about it. They needed to get up anyway!


  2. December 24, 2010 11:32 pm

    I hate it when shoppers don’t follow basic grocery store etiquette. Don’t block the aisle, don’t let your kids run all over the store, and don’t try to start a converstion with me while I’s picking out my yogurt flavors. I don’t like clowns either….they scare me.



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