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August 24, 2012

Friday Fictioneers presented by Madison Woods. See a picture, write a 100 word story, share it with the world. Feel free to play along if you like!

 

Day 11. I stopped walking last night. The pain in my thigh stabbed without end, a thousand tiny needles, each one a burning spasm of misery riding neurons and jumping synapses to my brain. The unfamiliar response is to stop, to go back.

I can never go back.

The fog rolled in last night. Cool and calm. The gray color matching the ooze weeping from the hole in my thigh.

I hear them in the distance now. Relentless.

I roll over, the mire against my face. My central nervous system no long nervous, I ready myself for a new home.

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23 Comments leave one →
  1. August 24, 2012 8:35 am

    Eew. Not a good situation. Powerful descriptions. I could feel his pain.

    http://rochellewisofffields.wordpress.com/2012/08/22/escape/

    Like

  2. August 24, 2012 8:42 am

    Nice imagry and description.
    Write on! I want to hear more. :)

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  3. August 24, 2012 8:56 am

    I’m not liking the gray ooze. We need some antibiotics here. But of course sleeping in the mire doesn’t help. Fun details for the “adventure” of this character. Will he/she make it? Hmmm . . .

    I’m here: http://wrasselings.blogspot.com/2012/08/friday-fictioneers-firmament.html

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  4. August 24, 2012 9:05 am

    Very vivid. Do I sense a resignation towards death? Poor guy. Very well written. Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/08/23/fridayfictioneers-light-on-the-hill/

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  5. August 24, 2012 9:07 am

    Your description of his pain makes me feel it.. Beautifully written

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  6. August 24, 2012 10:20 am

    Tense and filled with the mystery of what happened to him. I think his days are numbered….

    Mine is here: http://erinleary.wordpress.com/2012/08/23/flash-friday-fiction-13/

    Like

  7. August 24, 2012 11:04 am

    Vivid and clear. The neurological description takes the reader away from the pain, tho.

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    • Michael Fishman permalink
      August 31, 2012 8:40 am

      Thank you, Bumba. I hadn’t thought of the description taking away from experiencing the pain. I appreciate the feedback!

      Like

  8. August 24, 2012 11:51 am

    Poor man. I felt for him.

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  9. August 24, 2012 12:52 pm

    Eerie and emotionally charged. I love the line, “I ready myself for a new home.”

    http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/devolution-copyright-2012-ilyan-kei-lavanway/

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  10. August 24, 2012 1:22 pm

    Some vivid descriptions here, Michael. I have a feeling that fog is not merely literal. You conjure a great sense of place here, and of the narrator’s despair.
    By the way, I think one of your fish is sick. I fed them and he just wasn’t up for it!

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    • Michael Fishman permalink
      August 31, 2012 8:40 am

      Thank you! As to that fish, I think they play hard to get every once in awhile. But I’ll keep an eye on them nonetheless to make sure one of them isn’t floating face up!

      Like

  11. August 24, 2012 2:44 pm

    A lot of story for 100 words! You put us right in there, experiencing his suffering. Good job.

    Here’s mine: http://unexpectedpaths.com/friday-fictioneers/pillar-of-salt/

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  12. August 24, 2012 4:58 pm

    I like how you worked the fog into the story. It also conveys the grayness of his situation and his state of mind. Just a small thing–in the last sentence that I like, I think you probably want “no longer nervous”.

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    • Michael Fishman permalink
      August 31, 2012 8:41 am

      You’re right, I had a typo in that last sentence.

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  13. August 24, 2012 7:34 pm

    good one, in the last line did you mean “longer as opposed to long” ? was death or capture awaiting?

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    • Michael Fishman permalink
      August 31, 2012 8:43 am

      Yeah, that was supposed to be “longer”. When I wrote it I envisioned he had chosen death.

      Like

  14. August 25, 2012 8:05 pm

    I’m no doctor, but gray ooze weeping from a hole in a leg can’t possibly be a good thing.

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  15. August 26, 2012 12:25 am

    Where have you been lately? Missed you and your fish. Wonder what happened to him. Is he a wounded soldier waiting for help or death? Whatever the answer…it’s a sad and hopeless situation to be in. Nice work. I’m #36 on the list.

    Like

  16. mysocalledDutchlife permalink
    August 26, 2012 7:24 am

    Will there be an entry for day 12, I wonder? I can feel his pain and struggle.

    http://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/08/24/the-haar-ff-240812/

    Like

  17. Kathy McClure permalink
    August 28, 2012 5:54 pm

    LOL, I just though the same thing as above — day 12? Then I thought, is it death he awaits or capture — or a change? ‘I can never go back.’ was particularly strong. Well done!

    Like

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