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When You Ain’t Got Nothin’

May 4, 2012

Madison Woods graciously hosts Friday Fictioneers. Click HERE and find out how you can play, too!

 

When You Ain’t Got Nothing

The son of a bitch lied. Last thing Deke said before my parole was, “I stashed the money in my old lady’s house. Living room. The wall behind the couch and – walla.”

He really said, “walla”. Bastard meant “voilà”.

I tore into every goddamn wall in that house.

Nothing. No cash.

And the pound of flesh from his dead old lady don’t count.

Walking outside, gun hot in my hand, and there’s the cops.

“DROP THE GUN!”

What’s that song, when you ain’t got nothin’ you got nothin’ to lose? Well, I got less than nothing.

“Kiss my ass.”

25 Comments leave one →
  1. TheOthers1 permalink
    May 4, 2012 5:48 am

    I’m picturing blazing guns and going out with a bang. Lol. Nice.

    My attempt: https://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/rebuild/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      May 7, 2012 10:07 am

      With another 25 words it would have been one loud bang! Thanks for coming over and reading.

      Like

  2. May 4, 2012 6:03 am

    So defiant. I love this hard edged story. The snag for me is the dead old lady. Kudos! Mine is here: http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/fridayfictioneers-lost-without-you/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      May 7, 2012 10:11 am

      Thank you! I always appreciate your feedback.

      Like

  3. May 4, 2012 6:15 am

    hahaha , this line is perfect – He really said, “walla” Nicely done.

    Like

  4. May 4, 2012 6:27 am

    Well written. Such remorseless killer but he did get his come-uppence. Loved it.

    Mine: http://www.vlgregory-circa1800.vpweb.com/blog.html

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      May 7, 2012 10:16 am

      Thank you, V.L. Yes, he did get his!

      Like

  5. May 4, 2012 6:33 am

    Dear Mike,

    I’ve read two of your stories so far. Last week’s was awesome and this week’s follows suit. I’m going to find the follow button for your blog and then drop in to take notes. Well done and well met.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/the-nerve/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      May 7, 2012 10:20 am

      Thank you, Doug. That’s one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever received.

      Like

  6. May 4, 2012 7:09 am

    Well he deserves all he gets, I suppose. And he should listen more carefully in future. Nice work. Mine:

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/dysfunctional-friday-fictioneers-may-2012/

    Like

  7. May 4, 2012 7:23 am

    Brilliant! Starring Jimmy Cagney…

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      May 7, 2012 10:22 am

      He’d be one of my first casting choices! Thank you, Carlos.

      Like

  8. May 4, 2012 7:40 am

    it’s a shame what leads to someone being gone.

    http://brainsnorts.wordpress.com/2012/05/02/54-friday-fictioneers-by-madison-woods/

    Like

  9. May 4, 2012 9:25 am

    Excellent. Either Deke got him to do some dirty work or Deke’s old lady had already found the cash, or maybe somebody else out of the frame is to blame, either way, this guys got nothing to lose, and the cops, they’re screwed.

    Like

  10. May 4, 2012 9:45 am

    Intense…like the twist with old lady’s flesh…always good to follow your writing…

    Here is mine: http://integrativethought.wordpress.com

    Like

  11. Lora Mitchell permalink
    May 4, 2012 10:02 am

    Haha… He got his. Stupid enough to trust a fellow inmate, yet smart enough to spell Voila. Btw, that fabulous, famous lyric is by Kris Kristoffosser (sp?)..could never spell it. The last line made me chuckle. lol.
    Here’s mine:
    http://www.triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    Like

  12. May 4, 2012 11:15 am

    I absolutely loved the voice here. I feel you captured the attitude and mood of a ex-con wonderfully. Love the pound of flesh and hot gun line.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/05/03/friday-fictioneers-the-gig/

    Like

  13. May 4, 2012 12:00 pm

    Betrayed twice, eh? No wonder he decided to go out in a hail of gunfire.
    Could easily be a scene from a cop show or something. Nice.

    Mine’s this way, at a hefty 191 words:

    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/05/04/175/

    Like

  14. May 4, 2012 2:01 pm

    Excellent character and great drive. I believe the reality of this guy, the hatred and recklessness. You ended it perfectly, too. Nice job.

    Brian (http://pinionpost.com/2012/05/04/renovations/)

    Like

  15. May 4, 2012 4:33 pm

    Stunning story. Great stream of consciousness monologue. James Cagney or Richard Widmark – or maybe Viggo Mortneson…
    Yours as ever,
    Laura

    http://fictionvictimtoo.blogspot.com

    Like

  16. Madison Woods permalink
    May 7, 2012 8:40 pm

    Very gritty story! It was very well written and complete within itself. I liked that.

    Like

  17. May 9, 2012 5:44 am

    I love the voice, and the strange sense we get of being on this guy’s side! You have a complete picture here and you pace it perfectly, slowly increasing the pace and tension to that last line.

    Like

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