Awakening
It’s Friday Fictioneers time again! Fun with fiction in 100 words.
Madison Woods hosts Friday Fictioneers and to play along (and you really should because it’s fun), just click HERE and you’ll have all the information you need.
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Awakening
The drop of water on his forehead woke him.
Dark.
He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep or where he was.
Another drop.
Warm.
He tried lifting his hand to wipe the wetness but was unable to move. Legs and feet also immobile.
Another drop. A rivulet trailed down the side of his nose.
Earthy.
The last he remembered was Vanessa telling him she was leaving. She’d found someone new. That everything he had was now hers. He remembered the strange man with the hammer in his hand.
He stretched his fingers, felt wood.
He focused his eyes.
Noooooooo!
Michael B. Fishman
Michaelsfishbowl 
Whoa…very grim! Sounds like his (ex) wife/girlfriend was a very nasty piece of work.
Mine is this-a-way:
http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/fridayfictioneers-death-will-be-our-saviour/
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Thank you, Gary! Yeah, nasty is about right!
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Whoa, not what I was expecting at all. Very intense. Great example of flash fiction!
http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/2012/04/friday-fictioneer.html
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Thanks, Jess, I appreciate that!
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Wow, scary ending. Before then, I just loved it though. The description was so raw and sensory… it was also very ominous.
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Thank you for the comment. I wanted it to be raw so I’m glad you said that.
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Dear Michael,
This is wickedly well written and packs a wallop (no pun intended.) What a nightmare to wake to. Very well done.
Aloha,
Doug
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Thank you, Doug!
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Oh, Michael. Spooky and creepy. Feel sorry for him. Vanessa, you witch. You stripped him of his possessions …wasn’t that enough? You had him assaulted as well? How evil. Oops,. forgot, this is only fiction.lol. Here’s mine:
www. triplemoonstar.blogspot.com
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Yeah, that Vanessa is pretty mean! Thanks for reading and for the comment, Lora!
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good job.
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Thank you, rich.
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Speechless. I think my verbal reaction was woaah and nooo! Great writing.
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Thank you, Emma! That makes me feel good!
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She’s obviously not a woman you want to cross. Nice work. What a way to wake up, hey?
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Thanks, Sandra.
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This is really nice work and I thought the rhythm of it worked really well. In so few words you gave us a great deal of story, both of the present and the recent past. Well done.
My one tiny criticism is that last line. Nooooo! is just too melodramatic for me. I know that might be excellent shorthand for what he feels, but it just cut me short from the real emotion of the rest of the piece.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-fiction-maturity/
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I appreciate your comment and I agree with you about the “Noooo” part. I’m going to blame it on the 100 word limit though! 🙂 Seriously, with more words he could have had more of what might have been a real reaction to being in that spot. Thanks again!
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I actually quite liked the noooo at the end, it really shouldn’t work but for some reason it does. Plus, unintentionally or not, it added a bit of dark humor in there. I didn’t say this in my last comment but this was one of my favorites from last week.
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I agree. Silly word limit!
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Buried alive! Oh dang. She was literal on that taking everything part. Great story!
My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/water-the-earth/
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Yeah, she doesn’t believe in messing around. All or nothing is her motto! Thanks for reading and commenting!
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I hope he’s a vamp. LOL Here’s mine. http://jemcogdell.blogspot.com/2012/04/flash-fiction-hope.html
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Hmmm, now that would be an interesting twist because then he could come back and take his revenge! Thanks, Jean!
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Will he survive? I’m curious. Did he get what was coming to him? Karma returns?
I enjoyed. Thanks.
http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/
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Well, Jean’s thought just above you that he’s a vampire is sort of interesting, but I think he’s met his match. And no, he didn’t get what was coming to him, he was just guilty of loving the wrong woman. Thank you, JK.
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I love this, but one incongruity gnaws at me. Because of his reaction, we are led to believe that the wood is obviously a coffin. Other wood, whether furniture or something found in nature, wouldn’t necessarily be so specifically alarming.
If that’s the case, how are slow drips of water getting to him soon enough after his premature burial that he hasn’t suffocated yet?
Here’s my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-3Z
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Good points and you’re right and like I did before, I’m going to blame this on the 100 word limit. When I was seeing this I saw him in a hastily built coffin of cheap material and the water dripping in from the uneven seams. Thanks for the comment and giving me something good to think about!
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Awesome Michael! Very good! 🙂
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Thanks, Sonel!
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Love the different traits of the drops. Very scary, who isn’t afraid of both being left for another and buried alive. Usually not at the same time though, haha.
Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneer-5/
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I’m not too fond of either one but I’m not sure which I fear more! Thank you for reading and for the comment.
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Very scary Mr Fishman!! I liked it.
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Thanks, Mo!
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I love how you used a new line for almost every sentence. Nice development.
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Thank you, Stacey!
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Well, that sucks.
No, really. That’s about the worst situation one can be in. This was a great, well-written story. Cool twist, solid writing.
Here’s mine at http://the-drabbler.com/splat/
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Yeah, it’s not a good situation! Thank you for reading and for your comment and thank you for writing such a good one yourself!
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I feel bad for the poor chap. She finds another lover, takes everything he owns, and buries him alive. If he didn’t have any bad luck, he’d have no luck at all! Which in this case would probably be the better alternative.
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I think you’re right about that! Thanks for stopping by, Brandon!
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OMG, to be buried alive is my worst nightmare. Good job at making fodder for my dreams tonight! That was well-written.
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Thanks, Madison!
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Hey… nice story! We both ended ours the same… both guys are screwed!
http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/20/flash-friday-fictioneers-drip-drop-drip/
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Yeah, it doesn’t look good for either one of them. Unless we can get a shovel into one of the stories somehow 🙂
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HaHa!
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