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Awakening

April 20, 2012

It’s Friday Fictioneers time again! Fun with fiction in 100 words.

Madison Woods hosts Friday Fictioneers and to play along (and you really should because it’s fun), just click HERE and you’ll have all the information you need.

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Awakening

The drop of water on his forehead woke him.

Dark.

He didn’t know how long he’d been asleep or where he was.

Another drop.

Warm.

He tried lifting his hand to wipe the wetness but was unable to move. Legs and feet also immobile.

Another drop. A rivulet trailed down the side of his nose.

Earthy.

The last he remembered was Vanessa telling him she was leaving. She’d found someone new. That everything he had was now hers. He remembered the strange man with the hammer in his hand.

He stretched his fingers, felt wood.

He focused his eyes.

Noooooooo!

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45 Comments leave one →
  1. April 20, 2012 9:05 am

    Whoa…very grim! Sounds like his (ex) wife/girlfriend was a very nasty piece of work.

    Mine is this-a-way:

    http://garybaileywriting.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/fridayfictioneers-death-will-be-our-saviour/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 24, 2012 3:11 pm

      Thank you, Gary! Yeah, nasty is about right!

      Like

  2. April 20, 2012 9:07 am

    Whoa, not what I was expecting at all. Very intense. Great example of flash fiction!

    http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/2012/04/friday-fictioneer.html

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 24, 2012 3:11 pm

      Thanks, Jess, I appreciate that!

      Like

  3. April 20, 2012 9:10 am

    Wow, scary ending. Before then, I just loved it though. The description was so raw and sensory… it was also very ominous.

    http://littlewonder2.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneers-bats/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 24, 2012 3:12 pm

      Thank you for the comment. I wanted it to be raw so I’m glad you said that.

      Like

  4. April 20, 2012 9:26 am

    Dear Michael,

    This is wickedly well written and packs a wallop (no pun intended.) What a nightmare to wake to. Very well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/the-endless-sea/

    Like

  5. Lora Mitchell permalink
    April 20, 2012 9:42 am

    Oh, Michael. Spooky and creepy. Feel sorry for him. Vanessa, you witch. You stripped him of his possessions …wasn’t that enough? You had him assaulted as well? How evil. Oops,. forgot, this is only fiction.lol. Here’s mine:
    www. triplemoonstar.blogspot.com

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 24, 2012 3:19 pm

      Yeah, that Vanessa is pretty mean! Thanks for reading and for the comment, Lora!

      Like

  6. April 20, 2012 9:54 am

    good job.

    Like

  7. EmmaMc permalink
    April 20, 2012 10:00 am

    Speechless. I think my verbal reaction was woaah and nooo! Great writing.

    http://freejournowriter.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneers-mizu-in-the-sky/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:34 am

      Thank you, Emma! That makes me feel good!

      Like

  8. April 20, 2012 10:04 am

    She’s obviously not a woman you want to cross. Nice work. What a way to wake up, hey?

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/spellbound-friday-fictioneers-april-2012/

    Like

  9. April 20, 2012 10:17 am

    This is really nice work and I thought the rhythm of it worked really well. In so few words you gave us a great deal of story, both of the present and the recent past. Well done.
    My one tiny criticism is that last line. Nooooo! is just too melodramatic for me. I know that might be excellent shorthand for what he feels, but it just cut me short from the real emotion of the rest of the piece.
    I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/friday-fiction-maturity/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:39 am

      I appreciate your comment and I agree with you about the “Noooo” part. I’m going to blame it on the 100 word limit though! :) Seriously, with more words he could have had more of what might have been a real reaction to being in that spot. Thanks again!

      Like

      • EmmaMc permalink
        April 26, 2012 8:42 am

        I actually quite liked the noooo at the end, it really shouldn’t work but for some reason it does. Plus, unintentionally or not, it added a bit of dark humor in there. I didn’t say this in my last comment but this was one of my favorites from last week.

        Like

      • April 26, 2012 8:50 am

        I agree. Silly word limit!

        Like

  10. TheOthers1 permalink
    April 20, 2012 11:14 am

    Buried alive! Oh dang. She was literal on that taking everything part. Great story!

    My attempt: http://unduecreativity.wordpress.com/2012/04/20/water-the-earth/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:40 am

      Yeah, she doesn’t believe in messing around. All or nothing is her motto! Thanks for reading and commenting!

      Like

  11. April 20, 2012 11:56 am

    I hope he’s a vamp. LOL Here’s mine. http://jemcogdell.blogspot.com/2012/04/flash-fiction-hope.html

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:41 am

      Hmmm, now that would be an interesting twist because then he could come back and take his revenge! Thanks, Jean!

      Like

  12. April 20, 2012 12:15 pm

    Will he survive? I’m curious. Did he get what was coming to him? Karma returns?

    I enjoyed. Thanks.

    http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:44 am

      Well, Jean’s thought just above you that he’s a vampire is sort of interesting, but I think he’s met his match. And no, he didn’t get what was coming to him, he was just guilty of loving the wrong woman. Thank you, JK.

      Like

  13. April 20, 2012 2:34 pm

    I love this, but one incongruity gnaws at me. Because of his reaction, we are led to believe that the wood is obviously a coffin. Other wood, whether furniture or something found in nature, wouldn’t necessarily be so specifically alarming.

    If that’s the case, how are slow drips of water getting to him soon enough after his premature burial that he hasn’t suffocated yet?

    Here’s my story: http://wp.me/p24aJS-3Z

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:47 am

      Good points and you’re right and like I did before, I’m going to blame this on the 100 word limit. When I was seeing this I saw him in a hastily built coffin of cheap material and the water dripping in from the uneven seams. Thanks for the comment and giving me something good to think about!

      Like

  14. Sonel permalink
    April 20, 2012 4:09 pm

    Awesome Michael! Very good! :)

    Like

  15. April 20, 2012 4:35 pm

    Love the different traits of the drops. Very scary, who isn’t afraid of both being left for another and buried alive. Usually not at the same time though, haha.

    Here’s mine:http://teschoenborn.com/2012/04/20/friday-fictioneer-5/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:51 am

      I’m not too fond of either one but I’m not sure which I fear more! Thank you for reading and for the comment.

      Like

  16. April 20, 2012 5:34 pm

    Very scary Mr Fishman!! I liked it.

    Like

  17. April 20, 2012 8:15 pm

    I love how you used a new line for almost every sentence. Nice development.

    Like

  18. April 20, 2012 9:51 pm

    Well, that sucks.
    No, really. That’s about the worst situation one can be in. This was a great, well-written story. Cool twist, solid writing.

    Here’s mine at http://the-drabbler.com/splat/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:57 am

      Yeah, it’s not a good situation! Thank you for reading and for your comment and thank you for writing such a good one yourself!

      Like

  19. Brandon Scott permalink
    April 21, 2012 9:09 am

    I feel bad for the poor chap. She finds another lover, takes everything he owns, and buries him alive. If he didn’t have any bad luck, he’d have no luck at all! Which in this case would probably be the better alternative.

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 8:58 am

      I think you’re right about that! Thanks for stopping by, Brandon!

      Like

  20. Madison Woods permalink
    April 22, 2012 12:30 pm

    OMG, to be buried alive is my worst nightmare. Good job at making fodder for my dreams tonight! That was well-written.

    Like

  21. April 22, 2012 5:44 pm

    Hey… nice story! We both ended ours the same… both guys are screwed!

    http://tedstrutz.com/2012/04/20/flash-friday-fictioneers-drip-drop-drip/

    Like

    • Michael Fishman permalink
      April 26, 2012 9:02 am

      Yeah, it doesn’t look good for either one of them. Unless we can get a shovel into one of the stories somehow :)

      Like

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